This post is contributed by Ryan Schuette, a soon-to-be counselor.  I love how he shares his own personal experience in the difficulty we all have in making change in our lives.

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I have been struggling to start this blog for the past twenty minutes.

Although, really it’s been more like two weeks…

Often, one of the first skills I teach my clients with anxiety or panic disorders is deep breathing techniques.  It’s a very simple, effective way of limiting the physiological effects of anxiety; yet not surprisingly, even after I’ve explained the rationale behind the technique the client often looks at me as if to say, “Is this what I’m paying you guys for?”

These same skeptical clients usually return to the second session often experiencing the same level of anxiety; yet admittedly have not even tried the simple breathing exercises already prescribed.

Resistance to Change 

It’s a Catch 22 of sorts, the client expects the therapist to give them a magic bullet technique or ancient secret that will alleviate their problems, but at the same time they resist taking the smallest of steps towards their goals.

Similarly, writing a blog post was a homework assignment given to me by my own career development counselor Sue, over three weeks ago.  It should seem so simple, yet I have been dragging my feet this entire time.

Why is that?

The Status Quo Seems Safer 

Why do we fight against the same things we say we want most?

I think it’s because change requires action, and change, even for the better, can often be scary.  The moment we pick up our foot to take that first step towards positive action the questions come flooding in.  Will this really work?  Will I ever feel better? What will happen if I fail?  What will happen if I succeed?  Is change even possible?

Sometimes, I think the questions that come up when we decide to take action can make change seem as scary as remaining stuck.

Reducing the Anxiety  

Besides countering the physiological effects of anxiety, one of the reasons most therapists begin with deep breathing techniques with anxious clients is not only because it is a simple, yet effective first step; but it is also a gauge for the therapist to see if the client is ready to take even the smallest of steps towards their goals.

Often, when we try to create positive change in our lives, we are met by a lot of inner-resistance, even if we logically know that change is in our own best interest.

So, as I complete this blog post as the first step in developing a web presence for my future counseling practice, I must remind myself that a journey begins with a single step, and big change really begins with the smallest of steps.

One Step at a Time

If you focus on putting one foot in front of the other instead of completing the journey, one day you might just look up and see you are well on your way down the path towards your goals.

So this blog post is another step on the path for me, and I’m already brainstorming ideas for my next post…my next step.  Everyone has baby steps they have been putting off for one reason or another, what’s something you could today to take a small step towards big, positive change?

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Ryan Schuette is currently in his internship as he finishes the Masters program at LSU in Community Counseling.  Ryan enjoys working with individuals and groups who need help battling anxiety and depression.  He will be seeking licensure as a Licensed Professional Counselor upon graduation.

So I am writing in my journal this morning. Well actually I was writing to God. That is what I do. And actually, I was writing to God about how I haven’t written to him as often lately as I used to.

Well let me start from the beginning. I had a new client yesterday who obviously was in a difficult place. I was talking about moving closer to God, because as you may have read in a previous post What To Do When You Don’t Know What to Do, is I always feel I just need to move closer to God.

I am telling the client about this. That God loves him and that He wants to help us carry our burdens. You know, all of the standard God talk. And he was nodding his head, but I could tell he is thinking, “Okay all this sounds good, but how do I actually do it?”

And haven’t you ever had that same thought. Just give it to God….okay, how? Where is the line I need to stand in? Is there a “How to” video on You Tube?

So being the intuitive counselor I am, I say, “I bet you want to know how you can really do this, huh? Really give it to God.”

Now the head is nodding emphatically.

Since I don’t have a You Tube video, or a national best selling book the 5 Steps to Giving it All to God, I did what anyone would have done in my situation.

My Experience Giving It To God

I told him how I do it.

We are all created differently, and by the same reasoning, we all have a different relationship with God.

I for one pray all day, read scripture, go to church, listen to sermon podcasts, attend small groups, etc…etc….but their is really only one way that I make the real connection.

There is only one way that I can share my heart in a way that I don’t with any one else in this world.

For me it is when ink hits paper.

It is when I make the time to write to Jesus. It is when ink hits paper that I am most open. It is through these lines that I share and actually listen. I seek His will, and by the time I have used up the pages, I am spent and empty enough to let Jesus in.

And praise God He is so willing to wait. He is willing to wait until I am finished venting, thanking, interceding for others, asking, begging, and in many cases, just pontificating.

When I am spent, I quiet down enough to hear.

It is in these early morning moments, when ink hits paper, that my relationship with Jesus jumps off the pages into a surreal, in-depth, one-on-one conversation that I cherish.

We All Have Our Own Unique Connection To Jesus

For my client it may be in his morning run or on the golf course. For you it may be in praise and worship or on a mountaintop moment of solitude.

I do know that God created us to be in relationship with Him, so I am positive that we all have our method of deep connection with our Creator. And it is all to easy to think of God up in Heaven looking down in disappointment on His children and their lives, but……

what a beautiful orchestra He must hear when all over the world His kids are connecting to Him in their own special way…..

…..a heart felt prayer

…..a grueling mission trip

…..a Mom rocking her newborn to her favorite hymn

…..a man seeking wisdom in His Word

or when ink hits paper on on quiet morning when it is just He and I.

What about you? How or when do you feel the deepest connection with Jesus?

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Sue J. Miley LPC, MA, MBA is a licensed counselor who works with individuals and couples to help them to find God’s will in their lives and relationships. As a counselor and coach Sue uses an eclectic approach to healing and direction with a foundation from Scripture.

It’s late and I should be in bed.  Asleep.  Well, it is late for me anyway.

Have you ever had one of those days where you don’t want it to end.

Nothing special.

Just a feeling.  One of anticipation, expectation.

As a counselor I talk with people a lot.  About life, love, loss.  Too me it all circles back around to faith.

So we talk about God.  Our thoughts. Our heart.

Sometimes these faith talks resemble a discussion regarding a family member who is away from home.

My daughter just spent her first semester at college and I would talk about her in the same way.  I know her on a deep, relational level.  I feel close to her.  I talk about her when she is away ….sharing my love….describing the way she has stepped out and embraced the adventure that is the life in front of her…..as I talk it is like she is far away although close by in my heart and mind.

Discussing God and faith today felt the same way.  I know He is there.  A part of all I know of love and grace.  I speak about Him as a close relationship, someone I live for.

Today my daughter is home from school.  She is here again.  And the distance created by my vocabulary, accidentally stumbled upon when she is gone, has vanished.  It is the here and the now, and she is in my days, and on my phone, and part of my life.

Today the vocabulary was present again in my conversations about God.  He is close in my heart and my thoughts and my love.  But I didn’t feel Him today.

So I wait….with anticipation, expectation…

Past my bedtime. Wanting to stay awake…..

‘til my daughter get’s home tonight.  To hear her car door slam and the cacophony of barking, as our dogs’ greeting, breaks through the silent night.

And I know all is right.

And I wait…for that moment, when He is here…in my here and now.  My last thought.

And I know, all is right…

and peaceful sleep steals the day.

I am one of those people who hates blaming things on the past.  It all just sounds like excuses to me.

Then I became a counselor and sat through many classes explaining why our past effects us so.

But I am a rebel at heart and always claim the overcomer’s cry of “I can choose my own way!”  “I am in control of my future.”

What is even worse for me is if my husband tries to connect some idiosyncratic habit I have, or character flaw, to the way I was raised or because of my family.

I’m not sure why that bothers me.  It would be a better excuse than taking personal responsibility for the character flaw myself.  But that would be me.  Sticking with the illusion (delusion) that I am in control.

Which are you?  The one who would prefer to blame who you are on someone or something else or the one firmly stubborn in your own “stuff”?

The Past:  A Part of Who We Are Today

Anyway, this isn’t my point here.

My point is that I am conceding that some of my personal issues do stem from my past.  Here is the one that I finally figured out is a result of my weird upbringing.

Growing up was a bit of a roller coaster ride.  Without getting into too much gunk, the issue at hand is SPACE.

I know that isn’t the dramatic issue you were thinking…but for me it is.  I grew up in changing environments.

• 4 bedroom home.
• Apartment sharing rooms with sisters.
• Huge house with own room and huge basement.
• Sharing one bedroom with 3 other family members.
• Off to school and a tiny dorm room.

Needless to say, today I seem to need more space than the average human.  I need places to go hide for solitude and privacy.

I need spaces for stuff.  I am not neat at all and having extra space spreads out the piles so it doesn’t look as bad.

I like having different rooms for different moods.

Even at my office. I have spread out into 3 offices.  One for counseling; a soothing comfortable, informal space.  One for coaching: a large workspace table with technology hookups everywhere.

Then there is the office; the space for piles.

It makes me happy to have a different environment for each type of work.  I shift from office to office during the day and it helps me to transition into the mode of the work I am about to do.

The Past:  Understanding It Helps Us Understand Ourselves

I couldn’t figure out why I needed so many spaces.  It’s not like I have ostentatious furniture or decorations and just want a beautiful big house or office.  Actually some rooms in my life aren’t even finished.  We don’t have window hangings in our house of 6 years still.

That is when I started thinking about all of the times growing up that we were shoved into tiny spaces.  I know it sounds spoiled, but sharing a room with a sister is one thing.  Sharing a room with your Mom and sisters is another.  Sharing one bathroom with your Mom and sisters takes it to another level.  Okay it does sound spoiled.

But that is the point of the past. It seeps into our soul and develops our psyche in ways that may or may not be helpful, productive or healthy.

Understanding where it comes from can be helpful though.

• Having unlimited spaces can be expensive.
• Many rooms increases the amount of cleaning and upkeep.
• It also becomes a haven for hoarding.

The Past:  Understanding It Helps Us Better Navigate Our Future

Understanding my issues can help me find other ways to overcome them without continuing to fester the problem.

• Most people do spring cleaning once a year.  I need to do it once a quarter to limit the clutter and hoarding.

• We move often.  This home of 6 years is one of the longest.  Understanding my space issues and needs for different environments may be satisfied with a little re-decorating instead of expensive realtor fees, moving expenses, and new mortgages.

• When I need privacy I need to be more creative and go for a drive or a walk.

What do you think?  Can understanding your past help you live a healthier future?

It’s been a long time.  Maybe 10 years.  I actually worked 9 hours yesterday and still met each person with enthusiasm, energy and anticipation of our time together. I realized after my nine clients hours that I still had energy to cook dinner and spend time lingering in conversation with my husband.

I have been feeling this sense of renewal for a bit now.

This morning I deemed this season in life “this side of burnout”.  The time where it fades into the horizon with the sunset.  Still the anticipation of it’s return with the new day hovered.  Instead, grace brought a beautiful sunrise sprinkled with energy and hope; hope that the lethargy and apathy of burnout are gone forever.

It isn’t black and white though.

Burnout isn’t something that just hits you.  It’s an invasive enemy.  It seduces and lures you in.  You’re devoted to your career, working hard and doing it all.  You feel accomplished and needed.  But, over time you wonder why you’re the only one still at the office.  You begin to realize that all the emergencies make their way to you.  The flattery falls flat as each compliment ends with the sting of a last minute assignment dropped in your lap.

But the American way tells you that you’re doing it all.  I was working hard, making money, achieving corporate objectives.  My family was in tact.  They didn’t need me much.

Until one day they did.

And then I could no longer juggle the 60+ hours a week, the 24/7 on call status, and take care of a health crisis in my family.  Add to that the fact I didn’t have faith nor take care of my health.

Next stop….full-fledged burnout.  It snuck up on me.  I didn’t realize I had depleted all of my emotional, spiritual and physical reserves.  I started craving a way out.  An escape.

My lifeline turned out to be finding Jesus.

But He didn’t absolve me of my burnout.  It was a consequence of my decisions, and besides, He knew I needed the rest and  priority change.  It took me a full decade of focus on Him.  It wasn’t something I could just check off a list.

• Found Jesus. Check.
• Profound Healing. Check.
• Back to work!  Check.

No…it doesn’t work like that.  I am a licensed therapist now, but this isn’t a clinical explanation of burnout.  It’s just a testimony.

Life doesn’t go on hold in recovery.  Much has happened in the last 10 years.  A check list couldn’t do it justice.  It wasn’t an action plan to heal.  It was a journey to grow.  It was finding God’s will for my life.  It was letting go of control and trusting that God is the one in control.

• I had to let go of my timelines.
• I began to see myself through a God lens.
• I focused on relationships instead of accomplishments.

And even recently,I continue to learn that life, eternal life, is not about a claim to Christianity…

….it isn’t about works,

….a church building,

….a marketing plan, or

….raising great kids.

It’s being on the path that God has for me, and doing my part for once, to keep my priorities on my health, my relationships, and sincerely trying to honor God.

Burnout was insidious in it’s pursuit to claim me.  Unraveling from it’s tentacles to continue on the new path that God paved is difficult.

But one day….

…. the sun set,

…. taking the wake of burnout with it,

…..and leaving it in yesterday.

A new day dawns….a new season begins….and soon we can embrace “this side of burnout”.

We were made in God’s image right?  So it is only natural that we want to be loved.  God wants to be loved.

At least that is my conclusion based on all the promises to those who love Him.

I always quote the verse from Romans 8:28:

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

To me this is a promise that I can trust Him.  Even if things aren’t going the way I want or have planned, He will turn it into some kind of good.

In further study, there are more references to promises for the people who love Him.

God is preparing things we cannot even imagine for those who love Him.

However, as it is written: 

“What no eye has seen, 

what no ear has heard, 

and what no human mind has conceived”— 

the things God has prepared for those who love him—

 1 Corinthians 2:9

God promises His amazing grace to all who love Him.

Grace to all who love our Lord Jesus Christ with an undying love.

Ephesian 6:24

The crown of life awaits those who love Him.

Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.

James 1:12

Strong faith and the Kingdom of God is promised for those who love Him.

Listen, my dear brothers and sisters: Has not God chosen those who are poor in the eyes of the world to be rich in faith and to inherit the kingdom he promised those who love him.

1 Corinthians 2:9

And then doesn’t Paul confirm for us the importance of love.  Not only does God want to be loved, He loves us.  And in His image it is of the most importance that we should love.

If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 

1 Corinthians 13:2

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love

1Corinthians 13:13

When things in life get confusing, it seems that we should focus on loving Him, and loving others!  Seems like I have heard that somewhere before!

by Suzanne Jones LPC, MA

One of the most common responses I get when people first hear about counseling, and especially career counseling, is that it is too expensive. But consider what it costs to eat out, to go to the movies, to grab Starbucks on a daily basis. Consider the cost of home repairs or remodeling. Have you called a plumber lately? No doubt the bill was high and painful to pay, but it was an investment in your home. It protected the value of your asset, as well as making day-to-day activities easier.

Counseling Is An Investment

Counseling is an investment. It is paying for something on the front end that should pay significant dividends in the future…provided the client does the work and takes the process seriously. We are talking about something that can change a life, a family, a career. It is a big deal. And it is worth the investment of both money and time.

Trying to navigate your way through life with unresolved issues is like dragging something heavy behind your car and wondering why it doesn’t have much get-up-and-go, and why your gas mileage is so poor. Sorting through troubling issues, career questions, or relationship dilemmas in counseling can save time, money, relationships, and significantly reduce your stress. It can even benefit your health. Unresolved negative emotions, toxic relationships, and stress have been proven to negatively affect our health. Investing in counseling is investing in quality of life and healthy relationships.

Counseling Works If You Work

I have heard people say, “I tried counseling, it doesn’t work.” Usually as their story unfolds, it becomes clear they did try it, much like I might try dipping my toe in the water to check for the temperature. Counseling is an investment of time, money, and energy. It is often, though not always, hard work! And who is supposed to be doing most of the work? The client! A common counseling maxim is: Never work harder than your client. Every counselor has had the experience of a client dropping on the couch and essentially saying, “OK-I’m paying you, now fix me…or my wife…or my kid.” But that isn’t how it works.

The Counseling Process

When I try to explain the counseling process, I often tell my clients, especially the ones working on long-standing painful issues, that they are about to climb Mount Everest and I will be their Sherpa.   A Sherpa is a local Tibetan hired as a mountaineering guide for expeditions in the Himalayas, particularly Mt. Everest. These guides are highly respected for their mountaineering skills and their expertise in their local terrain. A good counselor is like that. He or she knows how to diagnose the problem, and what needs to be done to guide the client to a healthy resolution. The idea is that the counselor journeys with and guides the client but doesn’t do the work for the client.

Your Work – What Does It Look Like?

So, what does doing the work look like? It means coming to therapy consistently, facing things you may not want to talk about or feelings you don’t want to experience. It means doing any assignments given to you in session or as homework. It means reading recommended books.  It also requires honest communication with the counselor-what’s not working, what fears you may have- and participating in setting goals for therapy. It also means following through on counselor recommendations, which might include seeing a doctor, or considering medication. Think about it, following through on the counselor’s recommendations makes sense if you are investing in a healthier future.

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Suzanne Jones LPC, MA is a counselor with Crossroads Professional Counseling.  Two areas she specializes in are women’s issues and career direction.  Read more about Suzanne on her bio page.

We are raised in today’s society to be independent.  We feel pressured to make a name for ourselves.  Not necessarily fame, but attention and positive feedback in our own little world.

Think about how early it starts…..

…my daughter walked at 9 months.

…my son was reading at 4 years old.

….he is an All –American track star….a symphony pianist….a straight A student.

We start on the performance track young.

Then it moves to our adult lives….

… you need a job where you can support yourself.

….with so much divorce in the world you must make sure you are independent.

…people complain if their spouse or significant other is too clingy or needy.

Yet, when we shift to a God View, it is the exact opposite.

He wants us to cling to Him for everything and anything.

He promises that His yoke is light and wants to help us carry our burdens.

Our independence is like an invisible wall that goes up between us and God.

Have you ever tried to get your head around this?  The world is difficult.  We have to work really hard to learn the ways of the world just to survive.  Yet the more we set our minds to figuring out life, and this world, we are moving away from God.  This seems to be on my mind a lot as I recently wrote two other posts from slightly different vantage points:

Who Are We Fighting For Control

Choosing to Follow God

When I ponder the concept, over and over and over again, a few perspectives start to emerge:

The Truth is the Truth

Proverbs 23:23
 Buy the truth and do not sell it; get wisdom, discipline and understanding.

The first is that God is Truth.  If Jesus says that we should depend on Him….if the bible has many, many verses claiming His promises to guide us through the spirit…if we believe God is the Creator of the Universe….then what He says has to be our primary concern!

He wants us to go to Him first:

 
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
 Matthew 11:27-29

Or,

5“I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. 6If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. 7If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you. 8This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.  John 15:5-8

He is giving us an easier way and we don’t trust Him enough to take it.

The Spirit Makes Your Path Straight

Even if we don’t understand it, if we go to God first, He will send the Holy Spirit to guide us.  Right?  We don’t have to worry that we are going to navigate correctly.  We have the most experienced guide ever.  So, I go to God first as a dependent idiot.  Then the likelihood of Him guiding me through this crazy world, better than I will, is pretty high.

The Holy Spirit Doesn’t Need a Backseat Driver

My kid’s freak out when they are trying to drive with me.  I take being a backseat driver to the next level.  I scream everything three times.  It just comes out in threes.  My attempt to guide them and help them is ten times likely to cause a wreck.  I freak them out!

I either have to let the Holy Spirit drive or risk bastardizing the journey.

Why do I sub-consciously think my way is better?  It just comes down to the fact that to me, giving up control is counter-intuitive.

I Still Believe It Is Human Nature

In the end, I don’t think it is major pride or arrogance that always has us striving for control.  I think I just want Him to be proud of me?  Impressed that I can do it myself?  Letting Him know He created a capable and responsible being.

I think it is in my nature, but the reality is, as I work to focus more on God and His solutions and path, things always work out for the better.

Every time.

When I took tennis lessons a few years ago, the tennis instructor had me hold the racket in a completely different way.  It was counter-intuitive.  He told me he had to break me of my bad habits.  He said this correct way would one day feel natural.

That is what I am thinking about following Jesus.  His ways are counter-intuitive.  But the more I focus on His ways, study His word, and work toward obedience, the more natural it becomes.

Thank God I have eternity to get it right!

It’s funny but my dogs are more excited than the kids about our vacation.  Usually in the morning when we have to get up to go to work, the dogs burrow deeper into the covers all warm and cozy, silently coercing us to stay for a few more minutes.

This morning the first move in the bed has them up and darting down the stairs waiting at the door.  I scramble to catch up and take them outside.

I didn’t want to get up.  It was 6 am.

As soon as I looked out the back door I was greeted with the blessing of a beautiful sunrise coming up over the small lake behind the villa we are staying in.

I would surely have missed it, had they (the dogs) not been so fast.

Hearing from God

It is the best time in the morning.  It is the time to hear from God.

No one else was outside.  I held the only camera in this spot.  I took way to many of the same scene because I just couldn’t get over how incredible the colors, that God created, can be displayed.

Somewhere in the world every morning is a beautiful sunrise.  Many mornings they are right where we are.

Do We Get Up To Start Our Day With Him

But how often do we get up for them?  How often do we take the time to get out of bed and sit on our porch, or simply look out the window, and see what God has for us this day?

It is these times in the magic of God’s power that I find peace.  It is in these moments that I pray and it is quiet enough to actually hear Him….or I am quiet enough to actually listen!

Starting each day with God has always made a huge difference in my day, my direction, my purpose.   Beginning with God in His beautiful creation adds a mystical component to the upcoming events.

I give the day to Him.  I pray for what He wants me to accomplish for Him.  I look forward to what lies ahead!

How do you start your morning?

You know how you hear an amazing sermon or read something in a book that just sticks with you forever? Years later you remember the point, story, lesson, but you can’t remember where exactly you heard it.

That is where I am on this.

I heard or read this somewhere but I don’t know who do credit with it.

Here it is….

As Christians we pretty much know what is a sin and what isn’t. We know if we are doing wrong.

For example, we know it is wrong to have an affair.
We know it is a sin to lie.
We know God doesn’t approve of drunkenness……

But, what if we are just friends…..
What if I just didn’t say anything…..then I’m not lying, right?
I had seven drinks but I acted fine, and I made sure I didn’t drive!

Technically, “I didn’t cross the line”, we often say to ourselves, and others.

But, this is the point I remember, from the sermon or book that was so amazing that I can’t remember the name.

Pretend there is a line that if we crossed it we would be sinning……
And we moved toward the line, but didn’t cross it.
Our toes are right up to the line.

We are still moving in the wrong direction.

We are moving away from God, not towards Him. The closer we get to the line we are surely moving further away from God.

That just hit me hard. I may not be sinning yet, but by moving in that direction, even if I catch myself, or control myself, my heart is being pulled by the sin.

And I know me. When I am moving away from God it creates a domino effect. I soon become more selfish. I don’t pray as much. I begin to start trying to take control of my life back into my own hands. And then it pretty much goes down hill from there. Increased sin is inevitable!

I think we have to be honest with ourselves when we set this invisible line in our head. By establishing a line, am I moving toward God or away from God? And in the likelihood that you are moving away from God, be prepared to turn to Him in prayer, and beg for His mercy and grace, and to pull you back!