It’s late and I should be in bed.  Asleep.  Well, it is late for me anyway.

Have you ever had one of those days where you don’t want it to end.

Nothing special.

Just a feeling.  One of anticipation, expectation.

As a counselor I talk with people a lot.  About life, love, loss.  Too me it all circles back around to faith.

So we talk about God.  Our thoughts. Our heart.

Sometimes these faith talks resemble a discussion regarding a family member who is away from home.

My daughter just spent her first semester at college and I would talk about her in the same way.  I know her on a deep, relational level.  I feel close to her.  I talk about her when she is away ….sharing my love….describing the way she has stepped out and embraced the adventure that is the life in front of her…..as I talk it is like she is far away although close by in my heart and mind.

Discussing God and faith today felt the same way.  I know He is there.  A part of all I know of love and grace.  I speak about Him as a close relationship, someone I live for.

Today my daughter is home from school.  She is here again.  And the distance created by my vocabulary, accidentally stumbled upon when she is gone, has vanished.  It is the here and the now, and she is in my days, and on my phone, and part of my life.

Today the vocabulary was present again in my conversations about God.  He is close in my heart and my thoughts and my love.  But I didn’t feel Him today.

So I wait….with anticipation, expectation…

Past my bedtime. Wanting to stay awake…..

‘til my daughter get’s home tonight.  To hear her car door slam and the cacophony of barking, as our dogs’ greeting, breaks through the silent night.

And I know all is right.

And I wait…for that moment, when He is here…in my here and now.  My last thought.

And I know, all is right…

and peaceful sleep steals the day.

I am one of those people who hates blaming things on the past.  It all just sounds like excuses to me.

Then I became a counselor and sat through many classes explaining why our past effects us so.

But I am a rebel at heart and always claim the overcomer’s cry of “I can choose my own way!”  “I am in control of my future.”

What is even worse for me is if my husband tries to connect some idiosyncratic habit I have, or character flaw, to the way I was raised or because of my family.

I’m not sure why that bothers me.  It would be a better excuse than taking personal responsibility for the character flaw myself.  But that would be me.  Sticking with the illusion (delusion) that I am in control.

Which are you?  The one who would prefer to blame who you are on someone or something else or the one firmly stubborn in your own “stuff”?

The Past:  A Part of Who We Are Today

Anyway, this isn’t my point here.

My point is that I am conceding that some of my personal issues do stem from my past.  Here is the one that I finally figured out is a result of my weird upbringing.

Growing up was a bit of a roller coaster ride.  Without getting into too much gunk, the issue at hand is SPACE.

I know that isn’t the dramatic issue you were thinking…but for me it is.  I grew up in changing environments.

• 4 bedroom home.
• Apartment sharing rooms with sisters.
• Huge house with own room and huge basement.
• Sharing one bedroom with 3 other family members.
• Off to school and a tiny dorm room.

Needless to say, today I seem to need more space than the average human.  I need places to go hide for solitude and privacy.

I need spaces for stuff.  I am not neat at all and having extra space spreads out the piles so it doesn’t look as bad.

I like having different rooms for different moods.

Even at my office. I have spread out into 3 offices.  One for counseling; a soothing comfortable, informal space.  One for coaching: a large workspace table with technology hookups everywhere.

Then there is the office; the space for piles.

It makes me happy to have a different environment for each type of work.  I shift from office to office during the day and it helps me to transition into the mode of the work I am about to do.

The Past:  Understanding It Helps Us Understand Ourselves

I couldn’t figure out why I needed so many spaces.  It’s not like I have ostentatious furniture or decorations and just want a beautiful big house or office.  Actually some rooms in my life aren’t even finished.  We don’t have window hangings in our house of 6 years still.

That is when I started thinking about all of the times growing up that we were shoved into tiny spaces.  I know it sounds spoiled, but sharing a room with a sister is one thing.  Sharing a room with your Mom and sisters is another.  Sharing one bathroom with your Mom and sisters takes it to another level.  Okay it does sound spoiled.

But that is the point of the past. It seeps into our soul and develops our psyche in ways that may or may not be helpful, productive or healthy.

Understanding where it comes from can be helpful though.

• Having unlimited spaces can be expensive.
• Many rooms increases the amount of cleaning and upkeep.
• It also becomes a haven for hoarding.

The Past:  Understanding It Helps Us Better Navigate Our Future

Understanding my issues can help me find other ways to overcome them without continuing to fester the problem.

• Most people do spring cleaning once a year.  I need to do it once a quarter to limit the clutter and hoarding.

• We move often.  This home of 6 years is one of the longest.  Understanding my space issues and needs for different environments may be satisfied with a little re-decorating instead of expensive realtor fees, moving expenses, and new mortgages.

• When I need privacy I need to be more creative and go for a drive or a walk.

What do you think?  Can understanding your past help you live a healthier future?

It’s been a long time.  Maybe 10 years.  I actually worked 9 hours yesterday and still met each person with enthusiasm, energy and anticipation of our time together. I realized after my nine clients hours that I still had energy to cook dinner and spend time lingering in conversation with my husband.

I have been feeling this sense of renewal for a bit now.

This morning I deemed this season in life “this side of burnout”.  The time where it fades into the horizon with the sunset.  Still the anticipation of it’s return with the new day hovered.  Instead, grace brought a beautiful sunrise sprinkled with energy and hope; hope that the lethargy and apathy of burnout are gone forever.

It isn’t black and white though.

Burnout isn’t something that just hits you.  It’s an invasive enemy.  It seduces and lures you in.  You’re devoted to your career, working hard and doing it all.  You feel accomplished and needed.  But, over time you wonder why you’re the only one still at the office.  You begin to realize that all the emergencies make their way to you.  The flattery falls flat as each compliment ends with the sting of a last minute assignment dropped in your lap.

But the American way tells you that you’re doing it all.  I was working hard, making money, achieving corporate objectives.  My family was in tact.  They didn’t need me much.

Until one day they did.

And then I could no longer juggle the 60+ hours a week, the 24/7 on call status, and take care of a health crisis in my family.  Add to that the fact I didn’t have faith nor take care of my health.

Next stop….full-fledged burnout.  It snuck up on me.  I didn’t realize I had depleted all of my emotional, spiritual and physical reserves.  I started craving a way out.  An escape.

My lifeline turned out to be finding Jesus.

But He didn’t absolve me of my burnout.  It was a consequence of my decisions, and besides, He knew I needed the rest and  priority change.  It took me a full decade of focus on Him.  It wasn’t something I could just check off a list.

• Found Jesus. Check.
• Profound Healing. Check.
• Back to work!  Check.

No…it doesn’t work like that.  I am a licensed therapist now, but this isn’t a clinical explanation of burnout.  It’s just a testimony.

Life doesn’t go on hold in recovery.  Much has happened in the last 10 years.  A check list couldn’t do it justice.  It wasn’t an action plan to heal.  It was a journey to grow.  It was finding God’s will for my life.  It was letting go of control and trusting that God is the one in control.

• I had to let go of my timelines.
• I began to see myself through a God lens.
• I focused on relationships instead of accomplishments.

And even recently,I continue to learn that life, eternal life, is not about a claim to Christianity…

….it isn’t about works,

….a church building,

….a marketing plan, or

….raising great kids.

It’s being on the path that God has for me, and doing my part for once, to keep my priorities on my health, my relationships, and sincerely trying to honor God.

Burnout was insidious in it’s pursuit to claim me.  Unraveling from it’s tentacles to continue on the new path that God paved is difficult.

But one day….

…. the sun set,

…. taking the wake of burnout with it,

…..and leaving it in yesterday.

A new day dawns….a new season begins….and soon we can embrace “this side of burnout”.

We were made in God’s image right?  So it is only natural that we want to be loved.  God wants to be loved.

At least that is my conclusion based on all the promises to those who love Him.

I always quote the verse from Romans 8:28:

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

To me this is a promise that I can trust Him.  Even if things aren’t going the way I want or have planned, He will turn it into some kind of good.

In further study, there are more references to promises for the people who love Him.

God is preparing things we cannot even imagine for those who love Him.

However, as it is written: 

“What no eye has seen, 

what no ear has heard, 

and what no human mind has conceived”— 

the things God has prepared for those who love him—

 1 Corinthians 2:9

God promises His amazing grace to all who love Him.

Grace to all who love our Lord Jesus Christ with an undying love.

Ephesian 6:24

The crown of life awaits those who love Him.

Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.

James 1:12

Strong faith and the Kingdom of God is promised for those who love Him.

Listen, my dear brothers and sisters: Has not God chosen those who are poor in the eyes of the world to be rich in faith and to inherit the kingdom he promised those who love him.

1 Corinthians 2:9

And then doesn’t Paul confirm for us the importance of love.  Not only does God want to be loved, He loves us.  And in His image it is of the most importance that we should love.

If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 

1 Corinthians 13:2

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love

1Corinthians 13:13

When things in life get confusing, it seems that we should focus on loving Him, and loving others!  Seems like I have heard that somewhere before!

by Suzanne Jones LPC, MA

One of the most common responses I get when people first hear about counseling, and especially career counseling, is that it is too expensive. But consider what it costs to eat out, to go to the movies, to grab Starbucks on a daily basis. Consider the cost of home repairs or remodeling. Have you called a plumber lately? No doubt the bill was high and painful to pay, but it was an investment in your home. It protected the value of your asset, as well as making day-to-day activities easier.

Counseling Is An Investment

Counseling is an investment. It is paying for something on the front end that should pay significant dividends in the future…provided the client does the work and takes the process seriously. We are talking about something that can change a life, a family, a career. It is a big deal. And it is worth the investment of both money and time.

Trying to navigate your way through life with unresolved issues is like dragging something heavy behind your car and wondering why it doesn’t have much get-up-and-go, and why your gas mileage is so poor. Sorting through troubling issues, career questions, or relationship dilemmas in counseling can save time, money, relationships, and significantly reduce your stress. It can even benefit your health. Unresolved negative emotions, toxic relationships, and stress have been proven to negatively affect our health. Investing in counseling is investing in quality of life and healthy relationships.

Counseling Works If You Work

I have heard people say, “I tried counseling, it doesn’t work.” Usually as their story unfolds, it becomes clear they did try it, much like I might try dipping my toe in the water to check for the temperature. Counseling is an investment of time, money, and energy. It is often, though not always, hard work! And who is supposed to be doing most of the work? The client! A common counseling maxim is: Never work harder than your client. Every counselor has had the experience of a client dropping on the couch and essentially saying, “OK-I’m paying you, now fix me…or my wife…or my kid.” But that isn’t how it works.

The Counseling Process

When I try to explain the counseling process, I often tell my clients, especially the ones working on long-standing painful issues, that they are about to climb Mount Everest and I will be their Sherpa.   A Sherpa is a local Tibetan hired as a mountaineering guide for expeditions in the Himalayas, particularly Mt. Everest. These guides are highly respected for their mountaineering skills and their expertise in their local terrain. A good counselor is like that. He or she knows how to diagnose the problem, and what needs to be done to guide the client to a healthy resolution. The idea is that the counselor journeys with and guides the client but doesn’t do the work for the client.

Your Work – What Does It Look Like?

So, what does doing the work look like? It means coming to therapy consistently, facing things you may not want to talk about or feelings you don’t want to experience. It means doing any assignments given to you in session or as homework. It means reading recommended books.  It also requires honest communication with the counselor-what’s not working, what fears you may have- and participating in setting goals for therapy. It also means following through on counselor recommendations, which might include seeing a doctor, or considering medication. Think about it, following through on the counselor’s recommendations makes sense if you are investing in a healthier future.

____________________________________________________________

Suzanne Jones LPC, MA is a counselor with Crossroads Professional Counseling.  Two areas she specializes in are women’s issues and career direction.  Read more about Suzanne on her bio page.

We are raised in today’s society to be independent.  We feel pressured to make a name for ourselves.  Not necessarily fame, but attention and positive feedback in our own little world.

Think about how early it starts…..

…my daughter walked at 9 months.

…my son was reading at 4 years old.

….he is an All –American track star….a symphony pianist….a straight A student.

We start on the performance track young.

Then it moves to our adult lives….

… you need a job where you can support yourself.

….with so much divorce in the world you must make sure you are independent.

…people complain if their spouse or significant other is too clingy or needy.

Yet, when we shift to a God View, it is the exact opposite.

He wants us to cling to Him for everything and anything.

He promises that His yoke is light and wants to help us carry our burdens.

Our independence is like an invisible wall that goes up between us and God.

Have you ever tried to get your head around this?  The world is difficult.  We have to work really hard to learn the ways of the world just to survive.  Yet the more we set our minds to figuring out life, and this world, we are moving away from God.  This seems to be on my mind a lot as I recently wrote two other posts from slightly different vantage points:

Who Are We Fighting For Control

Choosing to Follow God

When I ponder the concept, over and over and over again, a few perspectives start to emerge:

The Truth is the Truth

Proverbs 23:23
 Buy the truth and do not sell it; get wisdom, discipline and understanding.

The first is that God is Truth.  If Jesus says that we should depend on Him….if the bible has many, many verses claiming His promises to guide us through the spirit…if we believe God is the Creator of the Universe….then what He says has to be our primary concern!

He wants us to go to Him first:

 
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
 Matthew 11:27-29

Or,

5“I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. 6If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. 7If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you. 8This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.  John 15:5-8

He is giving us an easier way and we don’t trust Him enough to take it.

The Spirit Makes Your Path Straight

Even if we don’t understand it, if we go to God first, He will send the Holy Spirit to guide us.  Right?  We don’t have to worry that we are going to navigate correctly.  We have the most experienced guide ever.  So, I go to God first as a dependent idiot.  Then the likelihood of Him guiding me through this crazy world, better than I will, is pretty high.

The Holy Spirit Doesn’t Need a Backseat Driver

My kid’s freak out when they are trying to drive with me.  I take being a backseat driver to the next level.  I scream everything three times.  It just comes out in threes.  My attempt to guide them and help them is ten times likely to cause a wreck.  I freak them out!

I either have to let the Holy Spirit drive or risk bastardizing the journey.

Why do I sub-consciously think my way is better?  It just comes down to the fact that to me, giving up control is counter-intuitive.

I Still Believe It Is Human Nature

In the end, I don’t think it is major pride or arrogance that always has us striving for control.  I think I just want Him to be proud of me?  Impressed that I can do it myself?  Letting Him know He created a capable and responsible being.

I think it is in my nature, but the reality is, as I work to focus more on God and His solutions and path, things always work out for the better.

Every time.

When I took tennis lessons a few years ago, the tennis instructor had me hold the racket in a completely different way.  It was counter-intuitive.  He told me he had to break me of my bad habits.  He said this correct way would one day feel natural.

That is what I am thinking about following Jesus.  His ways are counter-intuitive.  But the more I focus on His ways, study His word, and work toward obedience, the more natural it becomes.

Thank God I have eternity to get it right!

It’s funny but my dogs are more excited than the kids about our vacation.  Usually in the morning when we have to get up to go to work, the dogs burrow deeper into the covers all warm and cozy, silently coercing us to stay for a few more minutes.

This morning the first move in the bed has them up and darting down the stairs waiting at the door.  I scramble to catch up and take them outside.

I didn’t want to get up.  It was 6 am.

As soon as I looked out the back door I was greeted with the blessing of a beautiful sunrise coming up over the small lake behind the villa we are staying in.

I would surely have missed it, had they (the dogs) not been so fast.

Hearing from God

It is the best time in the morning.  It is the time to hear from God.

No one else was outside.  I held the only camera in this spot.  I took way to many of the same scene because I just couldn’t get over how incredible the colors, that God created, can be displayed.

Somewhere in the world every morning is a beautiful sunrise.  Many mornings they are right where we are.

Do We Get Up To Start Our Day With Him

But how often do we get up for them?  How often do we take the time to get out of bed and sit on our porch, or simply look out the window, and see what God has for us this day?

It is these times in the magic of God’s power that I find peace.  It is in these moments that I pray and it is quiet enough to actually hear Him….or I am quiet enough to actually listen!

Starting each day with God has always made a huge difference in my day, my direction, my purpose.   Beginning with God in His beautiful creation adds a mystical component to the upcoming events.

I give the day to Him.  I pray for what He wants me to accomplish for Him.  I look forward to what lies ahead!

How do you start your morning?

You know how you hear an amazing sermon or read something in a book that just sticks with you forever? Years later you remember the point, story, lesson, but you can’t remember where exactly you heard it.

That is where I am on this.

I heard or read this somewhere but I don’t know who do credit with it.

Here it is….

As Christians we pretty much know what is a sin and what isn’t. We know if we are doing wrong.

For example, we know it is wrong to have an affair.
We know it is a sin to lie.
We know God doesn’t approve of drunkenness……

But, what if we are just friends…..
What if I just didn’t say anything…..then I’m not lying, right?
I had seven drinks but I acted fine, and I made sure I didn’t drive!

Technically, “I didn’t cross the line”, we often say to ourselves, and others.

But, this is the point I remember, from the sermon or book that was so amazing that I can’t remember the name.

Pretend there is a line that if we crossed it we would be sinning……
And we moved toward the line, but didn’t cross it.
Our toes are right up to the line.

We are still moving in the wrong direction.

We are moving away from God, not towards Him. The closer we get to the line we are surely moving further away from God.

That just hit me hard. I may not be sinning yet, but by moving in that direction, even if I catch myself, or control myself, my heart is being pulled by the sin.

And I know me. When I am moving away from God it creates a domino effect. I soon become more selfish. I don’t pray as much. I begin to start trying to take control of my life back into my own hands. And then it pretty much goes down hill from there. Increased sin is inevitable!

I think we have to be honest with ourselves when we set this invisible line in our head. By establishing a line, am I moving toward God or away from God? And in the likelihood that you are moving away from God, be prepared to turn to Him in prayer, and beg for His mercy and grace, and to pull you back!

Have you ever been talking to someone and realized they were not really paying attention?  Were they watching TV and never really turned their head your way?  Did they say “yes” to your inquiry about if they “had a minute” and then proceeded to look at an incoming text and then actually responded.  (To the text that is…)

It’s hard on both sides of the equation.  It is difficult to give and to get someone’s undivided attention these days.

Yes there is noise….from texting, from computers, tv, other people, and sometimes just from our own voice in our head.

We are stressed.  We have so much going on.  Even when we are talking to someone we love, many times the voices in our head don’t rest.

We are distracted.

In the end, we really aren’t present.

We don’t mean it though.

We really do love the person trying to talk to us.

How do we remedy this!  It’s important!  We need to be fully present with the people in our presence.

Advice From The Guilty

Here is the advice from someone who has been there and done that!

First of all, if I know I have things I need to do or attend to, I communicate and I find the appropriate setting for the activity.  An example, if I need to get some work done at home I don’t sit in the middle of the den with family and expect them to not talk to me.  I will let my family know I need to work and go to another room.  (I have the flexibility to work from home…but it is still work and I need to focus.)

Second, if someone is interrupting me, even if I am in another room, I try to be honest if I really don’t have the time to give them my full attention.  We need to communicate to the person that they are important and we want to give them our full attention.  Suggest another time that you can be fully present.

Third, make a “squatter’s rights” rule.  Whomever you are with or talking to is the highest priority.  If I am in a meeting, I don’t answer the phone or text.  To insure this, it is probably best to turn off the phone.  The same goes with work meetings.  You are meeting with someone on your staff and they finally have your attention.  Then a colleague from another department drops by unannounced to your office and proceeds to throw out their issue or need to you.  Do you respond to the interrupter? Or do you explain that you are in a meeting and you will call them when you are free?  Guess which one your employee would appreciate more.

There are many more examples, but hopefully you get the gist of it.  We all know we are supposed to be present with the people we are with.  We know that is what we would want.

This is top of mind to me because my kids are home for the summer and if I am in the house, they consider me available.  During the school year I am in the habit of working from home.  When I carried it over this summer, I could see the frustration in my kids when they wanted my attention.  I have to go to the office now more consistently so that when I am home with them I am also available!

How about you?  Is this hard?  Or are you more on the receiving end?

As part of my bible study this morning, I came across this passage from Matthew 23:11-12, where Jesus is talking to His disciples:

 “But the greatest among you shall be your servant.  Whoever exalts himself shall be humbled; and whoever humbles himself shall be exalted.”

Right after these passages begins the “Woe to you pharisee” statements.

When I meditate on this verse, it reveals so much “yuck” in me!

My paraphrase of these verses is:

When we think too much of ourselves, we miss the point that we are nothing without God.  We think our accomplishments are in our own strength.  This just doesn’t come close to glorifying God.

He wants us to realize, and know, it is never “me”!  And if I am not getting it on my own, He will certainly let me be humbled.  He will allow me the consequence of my pride.

But, those who humble themselves….those who know they can’t do [fill in the blank] without God, that actually glorifies Him.  And guess what, they (and hopefully me sometimes) become the best vessels for God to work through.

End of my paraphrase.(making sure that you know these are my thoughts….please read verses yourself and meditate on your interpretation.)

This hits me in so many ways:

• Leading in church – when I didn’t have a clue about faith and God, and was new on my faith journey, I kept getting thrown into leading.  I was scared to death and prayed incessantly before any group meeting.  Recently I quit leading a couple of small groups because I felt I wasn’t making an impact.  How prideful!  I realized this morning the reason it was getting so hard and draining is that I was doing it in my own strength, not His.
• Working with clients - I pray a ton for clients and for help with clients.  But sometimes I feel very confident that I know the solution for them.  If they would just listen to me……  Thinking about it, I am not sure I have a truly desperate prayer to God for help on those.  I save the really hard stuff for Him.  My solutions won’t work if they aren’t from God.  Seriously, in the long run, the only thing that will help others is God’s path for them on His timetable and in His way.
• Depending on Him myself – even living my own life I am inconsistent.  There is so much I cling to Him desperately for…..and so much I don’t.  It’s like a pendulum swinging back and forth.  Somehow, I am thinking, that pendulum is going to knock me off my self- promoted pedestal on it’s way back to the side where I am clinging desperately.

Seriously though….I have seen these verses play out so plainly in my life.  When I go to God with true humility He pulls me so close.  The question is, as we grow more spiritually and learn more about God’s nature, how do we keep from exalting ourselves in our desire to share what we have learned and what we feel we know?

It sometimes feels like a circular!

Yet from a psychology standpoint, the first step to change is realizing you have a problem.  In our bible study we are doing, we are supposed to commit to an action or plan to live out what we are reading/learning.

I am going to keep these verses top of mind and pray for God to strip me of my pride.  Of course, this will be at the same time I tell Him that I see it now, and want to be obedient, so He can strip me in the gentlest manner please!  It is scary to pray for God to fix us, especially when the promise from scripture is that we will be humbled.

But then I remember that He is the God of the Universe, He created me, and He loves me…..He is the God of mercy and grace….I just need to trust Him.

I would love your thoughts on these passages!  Please share with us in the comment section.