• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer

Crossroads Professional Counseling

Christian Counseling | Baton Rouge + Prairieville

Providing Professional Christian Counseling and Coaching to the Baton Rouge and surrounding areas.

225-341-4147
  • Home
  • Christian Counseling
    • Marriage
    • Individual
    • Family
    • Children and Teenagers
  • Life Coaching
  • Coaching Programs
    • Life by Design Program
    • Career By Design Program
  • Blog
  • About Us
    • Sue J. Miley LPC, MA, MBA
    • Suzanne K. Jones, LPC, MA
    • Cheryl Brodnax, LPC, M.A., M.B.A., M.S.
  • Contact Us

Hiding Hurt, Healing Hurt

December 5, 2018 By Sue Miley

Hi! Thanks for visiting! To make life easier, you may want to subscribe free to my Email feed. !

hiding hurt

When you work in a professional corporate setting dominated by strong men, feelings are not openly shared.  Actually, the socially accepted feelings of anger and frustration flow freely.  Feelings of fear or hurt, not so much.

When I was in the corporate world, I remember it as a whirlwind of battle cries.  We were taking the land one objective at a time, consecutively….without an end in sight.  But in battle, people get hurt.  Those that are seriously injured are sent home.

In corporate America, the last thing you want is to be sent home.

So when wounded, you pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and hide it.  You hide the hurt.

I was passed over for the job I wanted…

I was working 60 + hours per week and it still wasn’t enough…

I was told that my fear of a huge project with even more responsibility was a personal problem…

Honestly, I was young, passionate, and burning the candle at both ends to impress and move up the corporate ladder.  It wasn’t just about success.  It was also about devotion, caring, and wanting to make a difference.

I didn’t know Christ at this time in my life and I measured everything based on what the world thought.

If someone I worked with said something that hurt me, I didn’t let them see me sweat.

If I didn’t get the job, I eagerly inquired about what was needed so I would get the next one.

If I wasn’t sure what to do in my job, I figured it out, rather than let on that I was afraid or worried that I could mess things up.

It Hurts

It hurts, when you are really devoted to someone (or a group of people), but you can’t be open and share your feelings for fear of rejection.

It hurts when someone you have devoted your life to leaves you.

It hurts when we hear the sarcastic tone of someone that is supposed to care about us.

It hurts when we are not invited.

It hurts when they never have time to talk.

You can compartmentalize, and bury the hurt so deep that you don’t even know it is there, but it bubbles back up in various forms that you may not recognize as hurt.

You get frustrated and angry easier. (the more socially acceptable emotions)

You feel tired and anxious all of the time.

You have headaches or stomach problems.

You DO NOT heal.

Constantly hiding your hurt buries the pain and toxic feelings inside of you and this insidious negativity starts to eat you away from the inside out.

When You Hide Your Hurt, You Can’t Find Healing.

We are most easily hurt by the people we care the most about.  It’s common for several other emotions to pile on and increase the hurt:

  • Feelings of betrayal – they must not care about me
  • Feelings of shame – what did I do to deserve it
  • Feelings of loss – we must not be that close

Hiding our response doesn’t allow for healing.

How to Heal?

Since my time of hiding and compartmentalizing my feelings, I found Christ.  Having a true come to Jesus experience at the age of 36 is quite an emotional ride.  I found someone who loves me whether I perform well or not.  This someone values heart over head every time.  He wants me to depend on Him and not try to carry the burden on my own.  He is always available to listen and care.

Thirty six years of stuffing and hiding every hurt came tumbling out.  I remember during this time I was journaling multiple times a day.  It was my direct line to Jesus, and when pen hit paper, I physically handed it over to God.

The words would range from rantings of all of the pent up injustices in my life to unabashed love and praise for having a Savior who cared and kept His promises.  The emotions I was now allowed to process were the full range.  Yes a little more frustration and anger seeped out, but now I could also share hurt, shame, confusion, fear, and then came desire, need, and wanting.  All of it was okay with Jesus.

Healing from Hurt

No one chooses bitterness or burnout.  But I have experienced, and believe that years and years of hiding hurt create just that.

So the healing process is not a one and done thing.  It takes time and doesn’t necessarily look pretty on the way.

That is one reason I chose Jesus for my processing and healing.  But, God created us for community and we still must live in the world, so healing is also found in the day to day.

It’s changing our habits and communicating with people who hurt us rather than stuffing it.

It is finding a healthy, safe place to process past hurt so as not to overwhelm ourselves or a loved one.  Maybe a pastor or counselor.

It is reflecting and facing our feelings ourselves and acknowledging that we have them and they are okay.

It is setting reasonable boundaries with others to reduce opportunities for hurt in the first place.

And yes, it is flinging, all at once, our illogical, extreme, less than pretty, tear-filled emotions at our Savior.  The One who can handle it, the One who wants our hearts, the One who cares, and the One who can heal. 

Jesus died for us.

In Him we find peace.  In Him we find acceptance.

In Christ we find healing.

Share this:

  • Twitter
  • Facebook
  • Email
  • Print

Filed Under: Anxiety/Depression, Career Tagged With: Anger, anxiety, Career, Fear, healing, mental health, pain, stress, Suffering

About Sue Miley

Sue earned her undergraduate degree in Finance at Louisiana State University in 1986. In 1993 she completed her Masters in Business Administration with a focus on Marketing. In 2004, she earned a Masters in Education – Community Counseling.

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Kim says

    December 5, 2018 at 9:28 am

    This is your best blog post yet! And you have had some really excellent ones. So true how hurt comes out in more acceptable emotions and/ or physical illness. So thankful for a Savior that wants us to daily give it all to Him.

Primary Sidebar

Connect With US

  • Facebook
  • LinkedIn
  • Twitter

Blog Categories

  • Anxiety/Depression
  • Career
  • Christian Living
  • conflict resolution
  • Emotions
  • Interpersonal Skills
  • Marriage/Couples
  • Mental Health
  • Parenting/Family
  • Transitions
  • Uncategorized

Visit our Christian Business Coaching Site

Crossroads-Professional-Coaching

Where Christian Values & Good Business Converge

Footer

VISIT OUR CHRISTIAN BUSINESS COACHING WEBSITE

Crossroads-Coach-Logo-in-White

SUBSCRIBE FOR RESOURCES, UPDATES AND ARTICLES

CROSSROADS PROFESSIONAL COUNSELING

8280 YMCA Plaza Dr.
Building 10-B
Baton Rouge, Louisiana, 70810
(225) 341-4147

CONNECT WITH US

Facebook-Icon Google-Plus-Icon Linkedin-Icon Twitter-Icon

Copyright © 2023 · CROSSROADS PROFESSIONAL COUNSELING | Privacy Policy | Privacy Tools

This website uses cookies to improve your experience. We'll assume you're ok with this, but you can opt-out if you wish.Accept Reject Read More
Privacy Policy

Privacy Overview

This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Out of these, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. But opting out of some of these cookies may affect your browsing experience.
Necessary
Always Enabled
Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. These cookies do not store any personal information.
Non-necessary
Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website.
SAVE & ACCEPT