Aging Gracefully?
I am never more my father’s daughter than when I revel in the fact that I look younger than I am. Any time we visit our home town, we hear this common refrain, “Hey…you see that guy over there? He’s the pharmacist. I taught him chemistry. Can you believe it?! Don’t I look way younger than him?!” Yes, Dad. You totally do.
I am just as guilty as he when I send my husband pictures of someone I graduated high school with and ask how old he thinks the person is. Then, WITH GREAT DELIGHT, I proudly announce that in fact they are my same age and isn’t that amazing that I look so much younger?! He always pretends to agree as he knows what’s good for him. (If you’re reading this and we graduated high school together: No. I am absolutely not talking about you. You’re like me. You look so young!)
No matter how great my genes are: my lack of gray hair (without the use of coloring agents, thank you), my incredibly smooth face with basically no wrinkles, (Can you believe it?!), or the frequency in which I completely shock people with my chronological age, the truth remains: I am getting older.
It’s not all negative, though.
One specific quality of aging I have had to earn the hard way. It has proven incredibly useful. You can’t grow in this specific capacity without living through some things. What is it?
My response to hard times.
When I was younger and the “ship would hit the span,” I was at a total loss. A fish out of water. It felt like the world ended. Everything was upside down. I didn’t know what to do with it or how to get to the other side.
To be sure, it’s never enjoyable when things go wrong. You’re out of control and there’s no rewind button to go back and keep the bad thing from occurring. But, there is always a way Through. And as it turns out, that’s often all you need.
As a more seasoned adult, I enter into each crisis with the confidence of having been there before. I am familiar with the crisis rollercoaster I jump on.
Here’s what I know during the ride:
- I know how I handle myself in tough times.
- I know what to expect of myself.
- I know how my stomach reacts.
- I know the phases of questioning that my mind goes through.
- I know my tendency towards over functioning mixed with irritability.
- I know I won’t sleep well for a night or two and what I need to do to process and wrap my mind around what’s going on.
- I also know what to generally expect over the next few days as the path forward begins to emerge. (And believe me, it always does!)
- And I know what to expect from my family members and close friends during a crisis.
- I know that the lies of “it’ll never be normal again” or “I’ll never bounce back” are just that – lies.
I have confidence that equilibrium is always possible because settling into a new homeostasis is what humans do. No matter how bad the situation is, things will settle down and I will find a new normal.
I understand the roller coaster of hard times because I have ridden it several times by now. This is a gift of my age that younger me did not possess.
Don’t get me wrong: things do shake me. It’s not that I’m impervious to difficulty or overwhelm. But I know that I will emerge on the other side in the land of the living…still holding onto my choices about how I will view my life.
You don’t get that type of deeply rooted confidence until you’ve ridden the roller coaster a few times.
Youth has its perks. But I like this confidence in the face of tragedy that comes with age. It’s not the confidence of the young. You must be initiated into it.
Confidence of the young is energy. Confidence of the mature is sure footing.
So how old am I exactly? I’m not telling but don’t I look great?!
