It is 5:30 in the morning, and my 18-month-old is wide awake and ready to go. I have only had two, maybe three, sips of my coffee as I sit at the table while he partially eats his breakfast and attempts to feed the rest to our dog.
As I repeatedly tell him ‘no,’ he looks me in the eye with a big smile and lifts his arm to throw the next blueberry on the ground. I sit there and have the internal battle of whether he understands what I am saying or if I am not giving him enough credit, and he is more intelligent than I think. I go with the latter.
He loves to be outside, so we walk down the driveway and on the sidewalk, but he is determined to get to the street. I can see the danger in that, but he can’t, so I pick him up and redirect him… and cue a meltdown.
It is official. We are headed full speed into the toddler phase in our household. The testing, the pushing of boundaries to see what he can get away with, and the meltdowns have begun.
It feels like a tug-of-war battle. Pushing and pulling, letting him figure things out while trying to keep him safe and avoid danger. He is discovering his emotions, testing the waters with what he can get away with, and developing his little personality, likes, and dislikes. It’s fun, taxing, and a true test of my patience.
Most importantly, these moments have given me a whole new perspective and appreciation of God’s grace in my life.
- How many times have I fought his direction, Him calling me toward His path?
- When doors have closed, and I have been told no, how often have I thrown tantrums or had meltdowns about failed plans?
- How much grace has He extended toward me?
As I navigate this new phase, God continues to show me so much more about His character, grace, and love. There are days when I feel weak, unsure of what to do, or guilty for snapping at my husband in a tense moment during a meltdown.
There are also days filled with fun, laughter, and the joy of watching your child learn new things. In both moments, I try to have gratitude for the gift God has given me, all while surrendering my control to Him. Easier said than done, if I am being honest.
Yet, at the end of the day, parenting has shown me even more how much I need to rely on the Lord. How desperately I need His strength, His grace, and His forgiveness. Just like my toddler, I am trying to navigate this world, too, and I don’t like being told no.
I know it is just the beginning. I don’t know what battle I am going to face tomorrow, how many meltdowns there will be, or how many blueberries will be thrown to my dog. What I do know is that it is a new day full of new mercies and that I can see His grace in those moments. I go back to His word and reflect on His promises. So, I will leave you with the two I have been holding onto.
“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
– 2 Corinthians 12:9-11
“The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.”
– Lamentations 3:22-23
