Ever since the pandemic, the topic of loneliness has stayed front and center. I would also argue that the continued growth of digital social platforms replacing fundamental in-person interactions and relationships has negatively impacted the human need for community. Not only are the interactions with others more superficial and lacking togetherness, but it is also, in many cases, soundbites of a person’s positive life events, which, even though not balanced, still present the lonely with lack.
Loneliness has many clinical definitions, but it is not a state of being as much as it is a state of the heart. Being alone doesn’t make you lonely. In my personal experience, and talking with others, loneliness comes when:
- We do not have someone or others to share life with.
- We feel like all our daily activities don’t add up to anything of real meaning or purpose.
- We feel misunderstood or unheard in a group or with someone we care about.
- We feel like we are the only ones who care about an issue, a purpose, or a situation.
- We feel disconnected from God or our spiritual disciplines that keep us connected to Him.
Insights into Isolation: Looking Through the Lens of the Lonely
I know that many people experience loneliness during the holidays. Still, regardless of what day it is, the loneliness can be unbearable for an aging person who has lost their spouse of many decades and is not sure what their purpose or path is any longer.
Loneliness is deafening to unexpectedly unemployed people, who feel like they are sitting alone day after day while everyone else has essential things to do. Yet all they have in store is to fight through the shame and lethargy and send out one more job application for the day.
You may be lonely as you look toward the new year and feel like it is an empty canvas rather than a blank canvas ready for color and adventure.
And trust me, if you are not particularly lonely, there are people in your path who are. You interact with them regularly and work with them daily.
If you have yet to notice, it may be because you are not looking. I promise you lonely people are there.
After all, God created us with a need for community, purpose, and, most importantly, Him.
Hebrews 10:24-25 (NIV): “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.”
Combating Loneliness is Everyone’s Fight
I feel like loneliness needs both the lonely and the not-lonely to help fight it.
If you are feeling isolated and lonely, here are a few ideas to help make this year one of connection and comfort:
- Reach out to people in your circles for companionship. Genuine companionship, not just a social media interaction. I know this is hard because when we are lonely, we lose confidence. But plan to get together with a couple of people you would like to be closer to regularly. It could be a coffee date a couple of times a month, inviting them to do a bible study or attend a bible study with you, or maybe going walking or playing tennis. I believe it is better to pick one or two people to cultivate deep relationships with rather than different people to hang out with superficially. We are created for deep connection. If you want to connect, I always recommend finding something you enjoy with a group or event to join and try to meet people. For example, if you like tennis, joining a tennis league allows you to meet other people with a similar interest.
- Volunteer at your church, school, or other organization. Feeling needed and being needed helps us not feel isolated and alone. At the same time, it may give you a sense of purpose and meaning. I recommend getting involved with something ongoing for some time. An ongoing activity usually will have you interacting with the same people regularly, providing a sense of community and meaning in doing something together regularly.
- Work on your relationship with God. When we focus on our relationship with God, it is tangible. You feel like you are with Him. You hear from Him. You have someone to talk to who always cares. He promises that He is all we need. We have to be present with Him to receive His promise. It doesn’t take much from us. God is so faithful. It may be to reach out by reading scripture, praying, listening to worship music, or attending church. I believe He will meet us more than halfway if we try to connect.
If you are struggling with loneliness, please don’t write off these actions as more evidence that you truly don’t matter to anyone. The world is wild, and everyone is combatting their own issues. Yes, we all have problems. If they overlook your needs, it is more likely due to their efforts to get through their own lives. It is not an excuse, but it is probably the reason.
Lookout For The Lonely: How to Help
If you are not feeling particularly lonely right now, make this the year that you are on the lookout for lonely. If we all help, loneliness can be easily cured. Even if you are not part of the problem, you still need to commit to being part of the solution.
The solution is so varied that we all can make a difference. The first step is to look for signs.
Is someone you know …
Not around much?
Always eating alone?
Never talking about being involved in things?
In a situation that could create isolation – living in an assisted living facility, unemployed, sick?
If so, reach out. Reaching out can be as simple as:
- Call them on the phone; ask when they have time to talk.
- Encouraging them with a regular text or note.
- Listening to them, even if you feel helpless to help your listening is a huge help.
- Having a deep conversation with them, even if it is a little uncomfortable.
- Ask them to come to church or do a bible study.
- Picking them up to go to the gym with you.
- Invite them to dinner with your family regularly.
- Visiting them regularly.
- Asking them for help.
We were meant for relationships… all of us. We have also been commanded to love others.
Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.'”
If we have lonely people in our lives, we are called to help.
Loneliness is a State of Our Hearts
Loneliness is a state of our hearts when we feel disconnected from our friends and all the people we love, experience a lack of purpose in life, and are distant from our creator (my unofficial definition).
I want to challenge all of us, the lonely and the not lonely, to combat loneliness this year. It is something that God cares deeply about, and we should, too.
What is one action you may take from these suggestions, or can you share one of your own in the comments?
