Trust and intimacy go hand in hand. It’s crucial to recognize the interdependence between the two. If you deeply trust someone, an unspoken intimacy permeates your relationship. Knowing this information stays private, you can easily share details of your life with this person. But more importantly, you can share your emotions in the moment with a person you truly trust. And I mean a spectrum of emotions, not just anger. For some reason, anger is easy to share, or maybe it is just for me; sometimes, I can’t keep it in.
The rest of the emotional rainbow feels way more vulnerable. It’s hard to let others see your real sadness, not just a bad mood. When we are hurt or sad, it makes most people uncomfortable. Some describe it as a lack of control in our life that we have put ourselves in a position to feel these melancholy emotions. However, when we trust someone deeply, we usually have an intuitive belief that this person cares about us regardless of our mood, our circumstances, or our actions.
When we feel deeply loved, we feel an intimate connection with that person. Emotional intimacy occurs in relationships built on mutual respect, trust, and love.
Intimacy and Trust Must be Present for Both People
This intimacy occurs whether you are the one feeling and sharing the emotions or if you are the one receiving and caring for the person through their feelings.
A perfect example is the exact opposite. Have you ever been with someone you were not close to and who overshared their emotions with you? Were you comfortable receiving them? I hear many stories of how uncomfortable someone was when a person they did not have a trusting and intimate relationship with burst into tears. It is awkward, and you usually do not know what to do or say.
The opposite is true in a trusting relationship. You feel comfortable with the other person’s emotions and move in to help or be there for that person. It is a natural reaction.
Overcoming Self-Imposed Barriers
More and more people are afraid to trust these days. I don’t know if it is because betrayal and sin occupy a higher percentage of our world or if it is just a new layer of protection that our generations feel they need. But, if we go through life with distrust as the default, we may create a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just like you can feel trust, you can feel distrust. I can sense if someone I have just met automatically doesn’t trust me. Of course, that doesn’t mean a natural reaction is to do something that would break anyone’s trust. But it does put a barrier to intimacy. It is hard to get close to someone who has high walls of protection.
Our walls can become our own prisons. If we keep our walls up, we block intimacy and trusting relationships. This isolates us, and then we feel we don’t have anyone we can go to with our emotions or our secrets. Over time, the pattern becomes more challenging to break.
If no one is ever there for you, even if it is because you won’t let anyone in, you feel that people only care about themselves. They can’t be trusted. And we create an unhealthy loop of shallow relationships. This pattern can make a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I am not saying that all people are trustworthy. It may not be wise to trust everyone. Just be careful not to set the filter too tight.
Fostering Trust and Intimacy
Here are some tips on how to build trusting and intimate relationships:
1. Set trust as the default. At least try. Assume someone is trustworthy until this person proves they are not. We can still trust God to protect our hearts and heal us if our default hurts us.
2. Start off easy. People usually advise starting with the easy stuff to successfully build anything or to achieve any goal. If we succeed with the simple, it motivates us to keep moving forward.
3. Be trustworthy. The easiest way to trust others is if they also trust you. The shortest path to someone believing you have their back is to have it. If you are consistent and caring, this will build trust. As someone trusts you, intimacy begins to grow.
4. Use your words. Assumptions kill trust—on both sides. Even people who have been married for 30 years still need to communicate. The worst habit is to expect someone you have been in a relationship with to just know. You have been friends or family for years; they should know what you think, feel, and will do. NOT. This lack of communication is the root of so much misunderstanding.
5. Lean in. Intimacy takes two. Suppose you are waiting for the other person to share first all of the time or to care for your needs first. In that case, you are focusing on something you cannot control, and you are secretly (even to yourself) testing them. We can only control our own actions. If we are committed to the person, consistent with our words and actions, and genuinely care about them, we would and should lean into trusting them and being for them when they need us.
Embracing the Potential for True Emotional Connection
The fear is real.
The reward is great.
Which do you choose? Will fear keep you from satisfying, growing deep relationships? Can you trust God to keep you strong and overcome your fear?
Wouldn’t it be worth it to take the risk and develop a true emotional connection, interactive dependence, and find someone who is your person?
God made us for connection. And God is a God of intimate relationship and complete trust. So I say we go for it.
Are you open to creating trusting and intimate relationships?
This is so good. Going for it is much easier when you know God has you!
Definitely! I surely would be to scared without Him!