The holiest and heaviest moments in therapy are often sessions where the person sitting across from me is coming to grips with unthinkable news. Something has come up that has set off a bomb in their inner world and often their outer world. It might be the workplace sexual … [Read more...] about Understanding the Nature of Crisis: How to Digest Something You Didn’t See Coming
conflict resolution
Defining The Work of Your Life
One day, while having lunch with a friend (who is also a therapist), she offhandedly remarked, “It’s my life’s work not to let my dad’s opinion control how I feel about myself.” This phrase really resonated with me, and I haven’t been able to shake it since. The concept … [Read more...] about Defining The Work of Your Life
Speaking the Truth in Love
Speaking the Truth in Love: What it Isn’t Have you ever agonized over something you needed to say to someone but couldn’t figure out how to do it? Maybe you thought about it obsessively, and the more it festered the angrier you got. Maybe you practiced all the ways you were … [Read more...] about Speaking the Truth in Love
Healthy Discernment
Almost everyone who comes through my office hears me say “A belief is just a belief, a thought is just a thought, an emotion is just an emotion. Just because I believe something does not make it true. Just because I think something does not make it true. Just because I feel … [Read more...] about Healthy Discernment
Why Couples Do Not Recover from Arguments Well
The Pattern: Argument Amnesia Ask yourself this question: How often do my spouse and I argue about something, and then the next day I can’t remember what triggered the argument? I certainly remember the tension and the anger or distance I felt, but I … [Read more...] about Why Couples Do Not Recover from Arguments Well
Fighting Fair – Overcoming Conflict in Your Marriage
Not all is fair in love and war. It’s hard to believe when we get married that one day we might look at our spouse and see them as the enemy. But over time, and especially during conflict, it can happen. We pick up our weapons, draw battle lines, and dare the other to … [Read more...] about Fighting Fair – Overcoming Conflict in Your Marriage
