My Fight Against Aging Fears

I share this with those of you in my generation wondering what you still offer to the world.  And to the younger generation to glimpse the rich, fulfilling future in your reach.  

This is a letter to my younger friend, but it could also be to my children, my younger self, or to me now.

Do You Think About Our Age Difference?

I wonder if you have ever thought about our age difference. If you did, would you still consider me a friend? With almost two decades between us, you might assume I lack relevance in your world. 

You may think She can’t understand; things were different when she was my age.

Or, at a minimum, She’s done. At 60, you’re supposed to be on the verge of retiring, not learning new things. Yes, teaching others what you know. Handing it down as if you won’t need it much longer yourself.

But I want you to know that life at 60 is just as full of growth, dreams, and purpose as when I was 43.

I Was Your Age Once

What did I think about older people when I wasn’t older?

I thought:

• They were done with hopes, dreams, and one days…
• They were grumpier because of past regrets and potential never reached…
• They were destined for routine and boredom, day after day, until they died…

I hate that I had these thoughts now that I’m here, and none of it is true.

Everything still feels fresh and new in my head and in my heart. It’s not enough to pass on what I learned in the past. I still want to keep learning, so I can help you tomorrow too.

I’m Not Done Yet

I guess these feelings aren’t the same for everyone. But I am not done yet.

Before God brings me home, I still have/want:

• Two new careers before I go—artist and writer. I want to excel at them, not just dabble. I have always tried my hardest to be the best at whatever I’m doing. I’m not saying I get there, but I always try. When my kids took my paintings off my walls to bring home to theirs, I thought, maybe I should really try at this art thing.
• Relationships to build with my grandchildren. I want my grandkids to truly know me and to feel like each of them is my favorite—because they all are my favorite. I want them to think of me as someone always interested in their lives, someone who totally loved them, no matter what they did. My mom had many opportunities to be with her grandchildren in her last decades. But she became self-focused. I couldn’t understand it. She’d sit with us, never asking a single question about our lives, only wanting to talk about her aches and pains. I get that she didn’t take care of herself, and her pain and lack of mindfulness were real, but it was still sad. I pray for a different final chapter.
• Deep, intimate friendships with people like you. When raising kids, you tend to focus on keeping them alive and getting them to college. You forgo your own needs. But God created us for community. God is many things, but shallow isn’t one of them. He is love and trust. He believes in relationships. I want a deep, loving, and trusting relationship with Jesus and with a close-knit group of friends. I am ready to lean in.
• To savor all the remaining days. I only have so much control over this. I focus so much on my health—physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual—because it’s challenging to savor life when you feel like hell. I want to climb a mountain and, at the top, fill my lungs with fresh air as I take in the breathtaking views. That’s hard to do if I’m overweight, out of shape, depressed, and tired.
• To make a difference in this world. I hate that this is so important to me. I know you would tell me it’s my Enneagram 3 talking. But at least I’ve learned that making a difference in “God-metrics” differs greatly from the world’s. For me, the most meaningful impact I can have is to point people to Jesus. The ripple effect from knowing Jesus is wide. I want others to experience this, and if God only uses me to help bring one person to Him, it will be legacy-worthy.

Life Doesn’t End with Retirement

You may not know it because you’re twenty years younger, but there is so much life ahead of you. I don’t think God created retirement. He plans to use us now and right on into eternity. Regardless of when He numbers my days, I am 100% positive that:

• I will give all I have and pour it out to others until the day I die.
• I will protect my health as far as it is up to me, calling on the Holy Spirit’s gift of self-discipline to care for the body and mind God has given me.
• I will lean in—into my work, my relationships, and learning anew.
• I will also level up. I am not winding down; I am leveling up. No excuses remain. This is a season in life that is truly up to me. I am not just starting my career, getting married, having kids, raising kids, or caring for aging parents. I am focusing on taking life to the next level.

What Awaits You in Your Seventh Decade

There is something I want to share with you. In this new season, the start of my seventh decade, I:

Care deeply.

Try harder.

Think smarter.

Wonder more.

Love openly.

Trust easier.

Worry less.

Eat better.

Move regularly.

Worship emotionally.

Learn continuously.

Enjoy effortlessly.

And give more generously.

This is what awaits you in your seventh decade. This is what you should start preparing yourself for now. This is the me who wants to be your friend. An equal, not an elder.

Aging Intentionally and Gracefully

This is aging intentionally and gracefully. This is what you will be missing if you dismiss me as no longer relevant.

And no, I don’t believe you actually feel this way. It’s just my fear speaking. And this is me arguing back against that fear. Sorry to put you in the middle.

But I’m glad it’s you.

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