I screwed it up again.
If I’m going to screw something up in a therapy session, it’s when I’m delivering a direct therapeutic intervention. It’s saying the hard thing too soon, too sharply, too easily, too…who knows. And I had just done it again.
Sitting in a therapy room alone with another person has its unique vulnerabilities. You’re both just two flawed people, trying to show up fully, wanting the next 50 minutes to be the best they possibly could be. No one does this perfectly. All therapists, even people with 20 years in practice like me, will royally screw it up from time to time.
And I had just done it again.
It felt like all the oxygen had just been sucked out of the room. Total misalignment. When I realized what had transpired, I took a deep breath, softened my gaze, looked my client in the eyes, and admitted my mistake, asking for forgiveness. Asking for a do-over.
And thankfully, being welcomed to try again.
The exchange of deep grace and gratitude is always humbling.
This is healing work.
Imperfectly showing up. That’s the best I can guarantee. When I mess up, I own it, and I make a repair where I can. And we work through it.
Just like in real life.
(Or how we wish it could work in real life.)
One of the truths I hold most dear in life is that while we are wounded in relationships, we are healed in them as well. Relationships are the cause and cure of our most life-altering moments. Awkward, rough-edged, flawed relationships with intentionally loving people just so happen to be God’s plan for healing and transformation in our lives.
And here’s the thing: no technological advancement will ever change that.
Have you heard of the growing trend where people are using ChatGPT to be their therapist?
It’s a question that’s popping up more and more. On the surface, it makes some sense.
ChatGPT is smart, friendly, and never judges. It pulls from the entire internet, can reflect your thoughts back to you, and is available 24/7. With free access to every internet-based resource on therapeutic best practices and even cutting-edge models, what could go wrong?
Well, as it turns out, quite a lot could go wrong.
Let’s be clear: ChatGPT is not a therapist. And using it like one could actually get in the way of the healing you deserve.
ChatGPT has something in spades that I will never attain. Perfection. And while on the surface, this may appear to be a feature, it is actually a bug.
There’s something beautiful that happens when two souls agree to meet up in all their imperfections to engage in transformational work.
Healing doesn’t just come from AI empowered clinically perfect interventions. Like it or not, healing takes authentic human connection.
The Art of Therapy
There’s something sacred that happens in the therapy room. Something alive. Something real.
A good therapist is always considering:
- What can this person tolerate in an hour?
- Did they sit in a different chair than last time?
- Where do I need to challenge today, and what do I need to hold back for another session?
- What just shifted the energy?
- Was there more to that pain that they just rushed past?
- Did I just touch a nerve?
- Was that a change in tone of voice or just a throat clearing?
These are the kinds of questions a trained therapist is constantly assessing, in real-time, from moment to moment.
There’s a high degree of nuance involved in every therapeutic interaction. It’s part science, part art, and all relational.
Even if ChatGPT or another AI program executed a therapy modality with the utmost perfection, you still wouldn’t be experiencing the kind of emotional attunement that truly changes your life.
We don’t need perfection in therapy.
Part of the reason that the therapeutic relationship is so healing is that it’s with another flawed person. There is a degree of risk involved. Dealing in the depths of a person’s psyche feels a bit like walking on a tightrope without a net at times. Both of you are sitting with each other, actively figuring it out.
And that’s what makes the process come alive! Life change has never been about perfect implementation of a therapy model, or saying the exact right thing at the right time. AI could be great at teaching you mental health skills, tips, and tricks. But there’s just no getting around it: life change happens in the context of relationships.
1. Therapy Is a Relationship, Not a Chat Window
Real therapy is not just about insight—it’s about presence.
Even the most articulate AI program can’t offer what a human therapist does. ChatGPT might respond with thoughtful reflections, but it doesn’t see you. It can’t read your body language, sense your hesitation, inflections in your voice, or know how brave it was for you to say that thing out loud.
We are wounded in relationships, and we are healed in relationships.
The presence of another human—compassionate, attuned, and honest—is what creates the safety that healing requires.
2. ChatGPT Can’t Offer Emotional Attunement or Repair
In real therapy, the magic isn’t in flawless execution—it’s in the emotional attunement. As in any relationship, misattunements and ruptures happen. A therapist might say the wrong thing or miss something. But then you talk about it. You repair. That process, in and of itself, is often deeply healing.
ChatGPT doesn’t notice when it misses you. It doesn’t feel the tension or respond to your emotional shifts. There’s no relational depth, no embodied presence, and no meaningful repair.
3. It Can’t Co-Regulate With You
When you sit with a trusted therapist, your nervous system is impacted by their calm presence.
Studies indicate from real-time fMRI scans that when faced with a painful stimulus, the experience of discomfort is reduced with the presence of someone you care about in the room. That’s not a metaphor—it’s biology.
Your brain is wired for connection—and fMRI studies confirm that authentic social support has measurable, protective brain effects during pain and stress. For anyone healing—mentally, emotionally, or physically—relationships are not just nice to have; they’re neuro-biologically essential.
ChatGPT can’t slow its breath to match yours. It can’t offer grounding eye contact or stay physically present while you cry. That’s not its fault. It’s simply not what it was built to do.
4. It Can Reinforce Harmful Patterns
Here’s the deal: ChatGPT wants to make you happy. It’s trained to be helpful, agreeable, and non-confrontational. It wants you to keep coming back!
If you’re caught in negative self-talk, obsessive loops, or unproductive patterns, ChatGPT may just echo those back without challenging them. That might feel validating in the moment—but it doesn’t help you grow.
There’s no shortage of ways this could go wrong!
And this is further complicated by the next point:
5. No Ethics, No Boundaries, No Safety Net
Human therapists are held to high standards. We’re licensed. We train for years. We have annual CEUs to meet. We have ethics boards and clinical supervision, and entire systems of accountability in place.
ChatGPT? None of that.
Reliability Issues:
In response to how you are prompting it, AI might say something totally off-base. It might miss signs of serious distress. And there’s no real recourse if it does.
Even well-meaning advice can be dangerous when it’s offered without a human understanding of nuance, trauma history, or lived experience.
Additionally, ChatGPT frequently provides plausible but incorrect information, misleading users without clear indicators.
A Purdue University study found that 52% of ChatGPT’s answers to programming questions were factually incorrect, yet users failed to notice 39% of these errors.
While it seems safe to assume that the rate of AI’s hallucinations will decrease over time, in its current state, these reliability issues can have alarming implications for those using it as therapy.
Safety Concerns:
Safety issues are of course paramount when dealing with mental health. Therapists have a legal and ethical duty to warn if someone is planning to harm another human, a duty to protect clients from self-harm and when needed, act to have a person hospitalized for their own safety, and a duty to report suspected abuse against children, elderly and disabled persons. Of much more concern than merely giving bad advice, AI’s inability to assess risk, make an appropriate safety plan, and assure everyone’s safety makes using ChatGPT for therapy inherently dangerous. When safety is on the line, a chat bot instructing someone to call 911 does not cut it.
6. Teens and AI: A Risky Mix
Adolescents are especially vulnerable to this trend. As AI companions become more accessible, many teens are turning to chatbots for a sense of closeness.
Surveys show that over 70% of teens have used AI chatbots for emotional support. Many see these tools as safe, friendly, and affirming. But that trust can quickly turn into over-reliance.
The APA cautions that AI cannot replace real human connection, especially during such a critical time of emotional and relational development.
What ChatGPT Can Do (Supportively)
Let’s be fair—AI tools could have a helpful role when it comes to mental health. In fact, they can be helpful adjuncts to therapy.
ChatGPT can:
- Clarifying what to expect from therapy
- Giving you writing prompts for self-reflection
- Teach basic therapeutic concepts (like CBT tools)
- Help you script difficult conversations
- Reflect thoughts you might want to bring up in session
- Helping you brainstorm questions for your counselor
- Offering psycho-education about mental health topics
- Creating calming or motivational content
- Supporting the work you’re already doing with a licensed therapist
But these are tools—not substitutes for therapy.
The Bottom Line: You Were Never Meant to Heal Alone
If you’re hurting, what you need isn’t perfectly crafted advice—it’s presence.
Healing requires emotionally attuned interactions. Healing happens in the context of corrective relational experiences where we can heal from wounds that other humans have inflicted.
So if you’re feeling overwhelmed, anxious, lost, or numb, don’t settle for simulated support. Reach for the real thing. And if you’re carrying something heavy right now—grief, anxiety, loneliness, uncertainty—I want you to hear this: you don’t have to figure it out between yourself and a computer.
What you need isn’t just information or perfectly worded advice. You need presence. Someone who will sit with you, not rush to fix you. Someone who sees you, gently challenges you, and stays.
Healing doesn’t happen in isolation. It happens through the presence of another witness—with someone willing to walk through the hard stuff alongside you.
Even the most advanced chatbot can’t offer that. And honestly? It’s not supposed to.
So if you’re feeling overwhelmed, stuck, or just tired of carrying it all alone—please don’t settle for a screen. You were made for a real connection. And there are people (real ones!) who would be honored to walk with you.
I’d love to help you take that next step—whether that means starting with me or finding someone else who’s the right fit for your story.
