A story in our family lore is how my Aunt Ruth (who would be in her 90s today if she were alive) bought Nair right when it came out, used it once, and never had a single strand of body hair for the rest of her life.
It just worked as advertised.
How many stories do you know like this…
- There was a problem.
- Someone did one thing to fix it.
- And the problem stayed fixed forever.
…probably shockingly few, if any.
When it comes to change and transformation, the myths we believe are astonishing. We like to think we are logical creatures, but most of us believe some things about the process of change in our lives that are inherently untrue.
At the root of so many misconceptions about change is the idea of a quick fix—a single, magical solution that will solve everything. This brings us to the first myth: the Magic Bullet.
Myths About Personal Transformation & Change
Myth One: The Magic Bullet
It is rare to see something that works as well or better than expected, where one action fixes a chronic problem. Yet, most of us still consistently look everywhere for what I’ll call magic bullet fixes: one solution to eliminate the discomfort, tension, and suffering we are experiencing.
This “one thing fixes all” myth is so appealing that we will set out on quests to find it.
- Find the right sermon to address your faith issues.
- Find the right productivity hack to solve your procrastination habit.
- Find the right pill to stop your panic.
- Find the right diet to fix your metabolism.
- Find the right marriage therapist to address the trust breaches in your relationship.
Like it or not, almost everything that causes you difficulty in life will require a combination of holistic approaches to become manageable. (More on this in a minute.)
The Magic Bullet myth often goes hand-in-hand with another alluring misconception: the idea that change can lead to total perfection. This brings us to Myth Two: the belief in 100% healing.
Myth Two: 100% Healing is Possible
Along with the myth of the magic bullet, its bedfellow is often the myth that a 100% fix is possible.
- You can entirely get rid of your chronic pain.
- You can eliminate the allure of your favorite negative coping strategy.
- You can heal your trauma and never have to deal with the negative effects again.
What an appealing empty promise!
I get it, and I’ve attempted to sell that myth to myself time and time again.
You might be thinking, “Allison, are you telling me my anxiety/compulsive issue/whatever the case may be will never fully go away?” Yeah, that’s right, unfortunately. Occasionally, you’ll meet someone who seems to have overcome a struggle completely—but it’s rarely thanks to a magic bullet.
The truth is, even 80% better can be transformative and worth celebrating. And often it’s less. But that doesn’t mean the fight isn’t worth it!
Additionally, I will be the first to happily report that a significant amount of healing surrounding trauma can truly take place! But then the work then becomes working out that healing in a variety of contexts over the course of your life. We can experience amazing advancements in healing our hurts, habits, and hang-ups but bringing the healing into all the areas of life often takes lifelong attention.
When we realize that there’s no quick fix and no perfect outcome, we may still cling to the hope that someone else–a savior of sorts–will step in to solve our problems. This brings us to the next myth: the idea that Superman is coming.
Myth Three: Superman is Coming
When we realize that there’s no quick fix and no perfect outcome, we may still cling to the hope that someone else—a savior of sorts—will step in to solve our problems. This brings us to the next myth: the idea that Superman is coming.
In other words, many of us wait for Superman to show up and fix it.
- You will meet someone who will heal all of your insecurities.
- The right romantic partner will solve your sexual issues.
- The person whose acceptance you’ve been longing for will finally turn to you and say, “You are enough.”
- A lawyer will call you one day to say you’ve come into a life-changing sum of money from an anonymous source.
- The talent manager with the power and connections to give you your big break will walk through the door at lunch one day.
But the truth is that Superman is not coming. And neither is Clark Kent! It’s doubtful that one external person or thing will happen that will change the course of everything in your life.
Here’s the good news: You can be your own Superman. (Or Superwoman, as the case may be.) Your struggle is not changing unless you’re the one changing it. Transformation comes from the inside.
You are the one you’ve been waiting for, so you don’t have to wait any longer!
These myths can hold us back from meaningful progress. So what does real change look like?
The Truth About Change
I hate to be the one to break it to you, but no single magic bullet will fix your life. You’re probably never going to experience 100% remission of that issue that plagues you. And nobody is coming to fix your life for you. (Not even Iyanla.)
Actual change takes a lot of effort, and you are the only one to put the effort in. Guides exist. This is much of my work as a therapist. But even with our best efforts, transformation may not happen as much as we’d want.
President John Quincy Adams states it this way:
Duty is ours. Results are God’s.
We have a duty to put the work in. How far that work takes us is up to God. But no one can put in the work but you.
A good plan with multiple action methods is much more effective than trying to find that one thing that will fix everything. But it’s so much better than the alternative! 80% transformation beats the heck out of 0% transformation. The person you’ve needed to show up for you all along is looking at you in the mirror. With the right guide and plan, positive movement is within your reach. But nobody is going to do it for you.
The easy fixes aren’t real, but what is real is that you can affect positive change in your life today.
The Plan for Change
So, if it’s up to us to put the proverbial gas in our vehicle of transformation, how does that happen? In my experience, we often desire to over-complicate the fix because if it were simple, we might be embarrassed that we haven’t done it by now.
Take a holistic look at your life.
Dr. Daniel Amen has an exercise called The One Page Miracle. It’s deceptively simple.
You write out what you want from life in your relationships, work/school, money, and self. Then you review it daily and ask this one simple question: is my behavior getting me what I want?
Progress happens when we align our behavior with our goals.
When we approach transformation in life from multiple perspectives, we dispel the myth that one thing can fix everything, increasing our odds of success. Even if we aren’t 100% successful (we rarely are), we will still be much better off working on a plan than ever. Moreover, when we align our behaviors to our goals, we dispel the myth that help comes from outside us and awaken to the resources already inside us.
