Life is circular, and therefore, setbacks are inevitable.
What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun. (Ecclesiastes 1:9)
Two and a half decades ago, I had to completely change my life. Honestly, life becoming unmanageable was all my doing to begin with. My first decade and a half of adulthood were most likely crafted to pivot from the unstable, seemingly unsuccessful journey driven in the wake of my parents’ lives, particularly my dad’s. He seemed to turn gold to ash at every turn due to a life controlled by addiction and possibly mental health issues. I did not want that.
So, I set my adulthood on a singular drive toward career success and financial stability. I built it through sheer determination and willpower. I raised my hand for every new opportunity and added responsibility while continuing my education and growing my family. I added and added one good thing after another.
I hate to say that too much of a “good thing” is bad, but I had used up 100% of my margin. I had zero time margin, working a crazy number of hours, and going to grad school; I wasn’t creating healthy relational or emotional margins. And I was burning out, trying to keep the illusion going.
I had zero physical margin. I didn’t even eat right or work out back then. The crash was inevitable, and the need for another 180° life change was the only answer.
Fast Forward Two and a Half Decades
I shifted my life to slow down and focus on my faith and family. As my kids grew up and I aged, I began to add hobbies, fitness, and healthy eating to the program. It was a much-improved season that the Lord guided and blessed.
But again, am I taking the steering wheel back from God and reverting to old ways?
Have I come full circle and teetered on a “too full” life, even if they are all good things?
I find myself overbooked at work. A full load of ideal clients is good, right? But where is the needed margin?
I found a new love of art and creativity. However, trying to follow a full-time program absorbs the rest of my time margin. I haven’t abandoned working out or eating well, but if I offset it with too much alcohol or not enough sleep, am I negating the benefits?
So Why Does It Feel Like I’m Speeding Toward a Cliff?
I feel like I have crammed every good thing I can into my life. On paper, it is a dream come true. A real business doing what I am called to, helping others, and spending time with people I love. I am diving deep into a hobby that may become my retirement, but I want to find my space in art. Ferociously fighting the aging process with as much as is up to me by maintaining healthy activity, eating, morning rituals, and such.
Why do I feel I’m heading 80 miles an hour toward the cliff’s edge?
And since I see it this time, why can’t I figure out how to slow it down and regain margin?
Is a major setback inevitable?
Is life just circular?
Hopefully, This is My “Admitting I Have a Problem” Post
Hopefully, I can employ some basic building blocks of self-management to redirect before crashing or going over the cliff’s edge. Ironically, we have just completed a schedule of training for clients on margin and prioritizing what is most important.
The positive is that I have all the tools in my toolbox to arrest this setback proactively and re-align with some slight changes, and hopefully avoid another significant life change. There is too much good to give up.
Where Are You?
Are you in a similar place for the first time? Or, like me, are you having another go at it?
Hopefully, some of these tips and tools will help you avoid a complete crash to get a do-over.
#1 Put First Things First
This seems complicated when all the components are good by themselves already. However, this habit from Stephen Covey’s 7 Habits of Effective People makes it clear that our values drive what is most important, and prioritization is clearly a quality over quantity concept.
My values:
- God first
- Family
- Health
- Relationships
- Financial security
- Making my life count
The God-first value connects it all because He is responsible for and weaves into all the other values.
But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. (Matthew 6:33)
Think about it. If we follow God and His plan, He will direct what is most important.
- He gives us our families.
- All resources come from Him.
- Living for Him makes our lives count.
Looking at the weeks, months, and years to come, I can better prioritize how I spend my time, rather than trying to cram 100% of all the good into each day. Not every good thing is for every season.
There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under the heavens. (Ecclesiastes 3:1)
That was my paradigm shift 25 years ago. Do I really have to learn the lesson again?
#2 Build Margin Back into My Life
Based on my priorities, I need to fill my time buckets by providing unscheduled time on my workdays, evenings, and weekends. If I make the unscheduled margin one of the priorities, it will be scheduled first. It needs to be part of the plan.
If I schedule time margin, it frees up my heart, mind, and body for emotional and physical margin. Having no time margin creates a domino effect on the other margins in my life.
We need this margin to nurture our faith, health, and relationships.
#3 Relationships with Him and Others
God sums up that love is the most essential thing in our character and lives.
Love the Lord your God with all your heart… and love your neighbor as yourself. (Matthew 22:37-39)
Therefore, relationships are the highest priority.
When we put first things first and create margin, I feel our relationships should drive those decisions.
My relationships with Jesus and my children drove my decisions 25 years ago. It’s not too different today, but includes grandchildren, friends, and clients.
But if we put relationships first and diligently love well in these relationships, the decision trees get simpler.
#4 Habits and the Holy Spirit
Once we have the philosophical direction for the life Jesus wants for us, we can call on the Holy Spirit to provide the fruit of self-discipline to do what we need to re-align our lives.
God is always faithful. But he is also consistent in not jumping in as long as we try to take control. Yes, we always need to do our part, but we must also depend on God for direction and resources. In this case, resources mean the fruit of self-discipline to do our part.
- Make the hard decisions on where to spend our time.
- Say no to new things not aligned with the current season.
- Put our whole heart and head into our current time and relationships.
- Trust God in the timing of new seasons and new priorities.
- Be fully present in each of the days that the Lord provides.
This may seem like a lot, and maybe it doesn’t feel fully defined. The reason is that I believe it looks different for everyone. We all have different values, relationships, and even callings. The first step for all of us, though, is the paradigm shift. We need to honestly believe:
- God’s plans are the best for our life
- Love and relationships are the purpose
- God will provide the resources we need
- We can do our part
And trust the outcome to the Lord, not the lies Satan will try to keep us believing. We can’t do it all in every season. Not everything is “most important.” And yes, God is for us 100% all the time.
You’re Not Alone
If you need some help crafting a plan for your life, we would love to walk with you through the journey. I’ve been here and done this a couple of times and have had the pleasure of others trusting me to walk with them.
Call me to see if having companionship on the journey is something for you.
