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Regardless of your political affiliation (or lack thereof), your news feed has undoubtedly made you aware of recent national tragedies. Around the same time, the nation witnessed another school shooting in Colorado and saw footage of the woman killed on the train in North Carolina.
A few months ago, we watched as floodwaters ravaged the Texas Hill Country, and several families lost their precious young daughters. On a global scale, we are watching the ongoing conflict in the Middle East unfold and witnessing the ongoing war in Ukraine.
This is just the list I came up with off the top of my head. I shudder to think what would come up if I Googled, “What awful things are going on in the world right now?” I would undoubtedly find out more horrendous news I didn’t even know about yet, and what’s more, I’d have the opportunity to see video footage.
The Overwhelming Weight of Global Events
When national and global events compound in the heavy way they have lately, how are we to process them? How are we to respond? I’ve been wrestling with this concept for a while, as I recall writing something similar after a particularly tough news week in June 2016. When I consider a significantly longer view of history, I note that the Psalmist must have been asking the same question, as Psalm 11:3 says, “When the foundations are being destroyed, what can the righteous do?”
Some things are so big, so heavy, and so wrong that it’s hard to know where to begin digesting reality. Moreover, when these types of large-scale events come quickly on the heels of one another, it’s impossible to process and grieve for one before receiving news of the next. It’s more than we, as humans, were designed to handle. If you’re struggling to digest unexpected crises, you might find insights in our post Understanding the Nature of Crisis: How to Digest Something You Didn’t See Coming.
In processing these large-scale events with several clients lately, here are a few key landing points that I have found to be helpful:
Not All Events Are Perceived as Equal by All People
The event itself or even a specific nuance of an event that matters most to your neighbor will not necessarily be what matters most to you. And that’s okay. That’s due to a variety of factors, such as upbringing, geography, passions, and personality, but the important thing is not to judge what’s a big deal to another person.
Some people are most grieved by the flooding at Camp Mystic, and others are most grieved over a political event. As weird as it may be to think in these terms, this is a different strokes for different folks situation! However heavy an event feels to a person, that’s its true weight for them. You don’t need to match how heavy it is for them, or convince them that your emotional response to a situation is the correct one. You’re not weird if you’re not as bothered about something as someone else is. Everybody has the things that hit them the hardest.
Don’t Rush to an Opinion or Force Outrage
Regardless of the event, please know that you don’t have to form an opinion or respond to things just because other people are. In 2011, I remember when Osama bin Laden was killed, and while all of me believed it was a just thing to do, it still felt uncomfortable to watch what seemed like everyone on my social media feed being so quick to rejoice in someone’s death.
Social media has a way of convincing us that we need to have an opinion about things. We don’t. It also convinces us that we need to come up with a post on the topic quickly so everyone will know our stance on it. That’s a lie.
Trust me: it’s okay to hang on to your $0.02. People can recognize you as a virtuous person through some other means. But on the flip side, it’s okay if you do have an opinion. If you naturally have one or come to one after sitting with things, great. But if you aren’t particularly stirred by something that has no direct impact on you, that’s completely valid in most instances. You’re certainly not obligated to come up with an opinion and post it on social media. We would all do better by being a little slower to chime in. For more on managing overwhelming feelings, consider reading How to Regain Composure When You Feel Overwhelmed or Anxious.
Know Your Audience and Be Present with Those Who Are in Front of You
Said another way, don’t be a jerk if someone is brokenhearted about an event that doesn’t hit as hard for you. If you don’t know enough about an event to speak on it, but someone else is deeply affected by it or very well-informed on the topic, take the opportunity to be a great, empathetic listener and be curious about their experiences and viewpoints. This is a great opportunity to show someone you care and learn a few things in the process.
Be Mindful of Concentric Circles of Support
Years ago, I saw a visual representation of concentric circles (similar to the Target sign) that illustrated the one-way traffic necessary for adequate grief support.
This will make more sense with a concrete example. Let’s say someone’s husband dies. The center of the circle is the widow and her children. They are who are most affected by the loss. The next circle out would be close family and friends. The next circle out might be colleagues and close associates. The next circle out is people who love and support those who are caring directly for those who are most affected. That’s the last circle affected for most of us regular folks.
Do you follow the visual? This is the picture of concentric circles of support.
People often get this next part wrong a lot, so stick with me so you can get it right next time! Support should always flow inward, to the next inner circle. (For example, the neighbor of the deceased person’s mother offers support to the grieving mother, rather than calling the deceased person’s mother to get emotional comfort about how hard it is to support her during such a tragedy.) Requests for support flow outward to someone who is less directly affected, or on the same level as your circle.
When the death occurs of someone who has a large following or presence, those impacted by their teachings and life are also part of the circle of support. Even people who never met those most directly involved can experience the loss and grief associated with a passing because, since the invention of the printing press, we can all be impacted by the teachings and life of those we have never met.
Suppose the event was tragic enough that literally everyone in the country was moved by it like a mass-scale natural disaster or the events of September 11. In that case, the whole country is in the circle of support. Everyone is affected on some level. We all have a responsibility to bear the weight of grief as those who are most directly impacted begin to come to terms with reality. In these cases, we must all practice compassion, patience, and gentleness until we collectively find our footing again.
Don’t Borrow Trouble Beyond Your Reach
The internet is wild. We are aware of things that have absolutely nothing to do with us. We know about the little child in the next town who is fighting cancer. We know about the missionary family experiencing religious persecution in China. We are aware of a Real Housewife’s marital issues. We are exposed to more bad news than we can possibly hold. And not only that, we also have access to watch horrific acts repeatedly take place that were once blurred or blacked out on the nightly news and shown only once.
I firmly believe that we weren’t meant to know so much about what’s happening beyond our reach! And we were definitely not meant to watch someone else’s abuse or even death on our phones and computer screens. It’s simply more than the human heart, brain, or nervous system can handle!
When large-scale events happen, it becomes even more critical that we are wise about our media exposure. We cannot carry the weight of the entire world. We were never meant to. Said another way: we have to be judicious about what we allow ourselves to give a damn about. We can’t care about everything. We must be mindful of our capacity to carry and process hard things that are beyond the scope of our natural lives. We need to save some emotional and mental space for those directly in front of us, as well as for ourselves. This isn’t selfish. This is being a good steward of the people and topics that matter most to us. Remember to also take time for Acknowledging Your Resiliency in these challenging times.
Finally, We Lament
No matter how much you guard what you give your heart and attention to, impossibly awful things happen in this world. And what makes it even more complicated is that people you love may have entirely different viewpoints on those same heartbreaking events. Everyone is just trying to process and wrap their minds around the world’s brokenness. We can be patient with those with whom we disagree. We can find common ground where possible. We can hold space for each other, as most of us are good-willed humans trying to follow what seems best in our consciences.
So when the earth feels like it’s shaking with one awful event after another, what are we to do? We lament. We feel and express great sorrow and deep sadness. We pause. We wrap our arms around those we love. We call our moms if we still have them. We check on those more closely affected. In some instances, we organize, speak up, and take action. But more often than not, we take a deep breath, feel our feelings, and show up again with courage.
As Christians, we know that this is not how God intended things to be; God will not leave or forsake us, and this is not how things will always be. But this is where things are today. And our hope for a future restoration can’t keep us from addressing the brokenness before us at this moment.
Some things are so big and bad that it takes a country to hold the weight of them. Be kind to each other. Be kind to yourself. And remember that Love wins.
