“ADD doesn’t necessarily impact the person that has it, they are fine, but it definitely affects what the rest of us that have to live with them,” my son-in-law said, blaming my daughter’s ADD for how long it was taking them to get out the door and back to Birmingham.
I sit there listening to him go on about her ADD, and something starts nagging at me. Because a lot of what he is describing sounds a whole lot like me.
“I think I have ADD too.”
“Mom, you absolutely do,” said my daughters in chorus.
“Well,” I said, “at this age I’d be aggravated if I found out definitively that I have it and wasted all of these years fighting it.”
“Or, you could just live the next half of your life good,” my son-in-law jumps back in with what he sees as obvious. And, yes, I did the math, and I think I don’t quite have another half left, more like a quarter.
I actually keep thinking about this. Do I actually have ADD? What would happen if I got on medicine? I can read and focus; I just thought those were key signs of ADD.
I remember that the Amen Clinic has a lot of information on ADD. I think they have a free assessment. Why can’t I find it?
I jump in and ask Claude if the Amen Clinic has a free ADD/ADHD assessment. Claude quickly provides a link.
I click it, go directly to the assessment, and push the “Start the Test” button.
Minutes later, I have been labeled with 3 out of 7 of the Amen’s ADD types.
Reading the descriptions I only see partial fits to all three. Maybe I need another assessment. I go into deep research and analysis.
I take three more assessments. Yes, they all point to some amount of ADD.
I chuckle. Earlier, my younger daughter said, “Mom, wouldn’t you rather have a reason for never doing chores or staying organized at home? Would you rather not have a real issue and we just think you are a pain at home?” Well, she has a point.
I can function well at work. I start pointing out to Claude all of my successful self-coping mechanisms, only I didn’t know they were self-coping mechanisms.
It was me asking Claude about the questions on the 3rd or 4th assessment I am taking. I ask, “Would doodling count?” for the answer to this question: “How often do you fidget or squirm with your hands or feet when you have to sit down for a long time?”
Per Claude: “Yes. It’s more a self-regulation strategy you’ve discovered works for you, which fits the pattern you’ve described elsewhere, finding a tool or behavior that works and sticking with it.”
He keeps going, one excuse after another, calling every single one of them a successful self-coping mechanism. I am starting to feel a little exposed.
Well, then, what does it matter if I am diagnosed? I have made it work for decades. I can function fine. I am good at my job.
Oh, yeah… what about your family? That thought sneaks in right behind the first one, and it will not let me off the hook that easily.
By the time I get home from work, I have used every trick in the book to stay focused and productive, to be present and listen, and to generally be helpful to those I am working with. Here, at home, after staying focused so long, it all falls apart.
I can’t remember why I went into the pantry. I walk into the bedroom and look for a pen when I remember I was supposed to be cooking dinner. I walk back into the kitchen, and I have left the water running and two cabinets open. And my husband is asking me if I plan to move my laundry out of the dryer.
My internal excuse… I just don’t like doing certain things.
At work that excuse wouldn’t fly.
My daughter and son-in-law leave town, and now I have this thought in my mind. What if not addressing my ADD is the reason I need a glass of wine many a night to wind down? What if I could at least do my fair share of chores, the one area I don’t want to over-achieve?
What if I sleep better because I am not rapid-cycling thoughts with no end to the loop?
I have functioned well for decades, but I admit it requires some life hacks and discipline. And yes, as I age, it gets a little harder to gather up that much self-discipline.
It can’t hurt to take the steps. I truly believe that we have to do our part and move. If it is part of God’s plan, a door may open or stay open. If it isn’t, I need to trust the closed door.
I make a decision.
I open my Healow app and write a message to my functional health practitioner. Do you all assess and treat ADD/ADHD?
Let’s see where this leads.
I am a professional. You would think I would trust the professionals. Let’s go.
And speaking of trusting the professionals, this is also me explaining why this blog is late. I have been so busy waiting on these test results that I never got around to finishing it. See, I told you, ADD.
