A Letter to Myself

Hey, you’ve got a lot going on. Everyone would agree. I know you truly love it, but don’t forget that not one person thinks your job is easy. You put a lot of pressure on yourself because you want to show up well in all the different areas of life. On top of work, you’re trying to kill it as a wife, mom, friend, daughter, and human. That’s not easy, and you don’t always take the steps to follow your own advice. So, by way of reminder and encouragement, I want to write you this letter in the tone and style that works for us, because that is how your little not-from-the-South, Yankee heart needs to hear it.

So without further adieu, let me remind you of a few things you often tell others that you must preach to your own soul right now.

If it Rattles Around, Write it Down

Why is it always so tempting not to do the simple things that would help you feel better? Like drinking enough water and going to bed on time? Journaling is one very simple thing that you KNOW helps you make sense of your life. For the small investment of time and energy, it pays off 10-fold. All it takes is for you to sit down and pick up your journal and pen. You show up for everyone else, so why not show up for yourself consistently in this way? You know it’s so good for your soul!

Remember last week when you were feeling bad and you picked up your journal and wrote a the top of a blank page, “List of reasons I feel like crap today”? It took less than 3 minutes to capture a bullet point list of reasons (some valid and some petty and ridiculous) why you felt like crap. It was IMMEDIATELY helpful. There WERE valid reasons, and as soon as you saw it in writing staring back at you, it felt like empathy and support somehow. 

It is free. It is quick. It is easy. 

So let me gently suggest: you need to make it a non-negotiable.

Move Your Body

You’ve known this truth for years since ole boy Bessel van der Kolk first wrote the book “The Body Keeps the Score.” And your body keeps the score of your stuff plus the stuff everyone else gives you for safekeeping. Besides that, you also sit ALL DAY. And as Brené Brown says, sitting is the new smoking! If for no other reason, the number of hours you spend per day compressed into a seated position means you must move your body.

And another thing- you aren’t the trash receptacle for everyone in your life! You can’t just receive it and receive it and let it all sit inside you. You’ve gotta move your body to move out the things you receive from others (on top of the stuff from your own life). The next point goes hand in hand with this absolute need to move your body.

Receive the Weight – Give it to God

One truth that has stood the test of time for you is that God doesn’t intend for you to hold and lug around all the stuff people tell you. It would take about half a day for that to become unmanageable. 

When someone gives you their hardship, you are intended to receive it and pass it on to God. You’re just the middle (wo)man. You can’t keep it because you can’t sustain the weight of it. You cannot forget this! 

Repeat after me: Receive the weight. Give it to God. Receive the weight. Give it to God. 

Prayer has always been and will remain vital for you. It’s not a luxury. It is not optional. 

Stay in Your Own Lane

There are only three types of business in the universe: mine, yours, and God’s.
– Byron Katie

She goes on to say that if it’s not my business or yours, it’s God’s business. It’s just how the world works.

Here’s what you need to remember:

• Your boundaries are your business, and how other people feel about your boundaries is their business. You cannot confuse these two things.
• Your responsibility is to stay authentic and aligned with your values and truth. It is not your responsibility to care for how everyone responds to those things. 
• You cannot manage anyone else’s business. It is their business! Stay in your lane!
• You cannot invite someone else to handle your business. It is your business! Own your lane!
• Other people’s expectations of you are their business. 
• Other people’s decisions about how they live their lives are their business. How you respond to their decisions is your business.
• Jesus says, ” You cannot serve two masters” (Matthew 6:24), and this concept holds true: you cannot manage both your business and someone else’s. 

Mind your own business!

Mind the Scale

Remember the scale from chemistry class? The one you could check weights and measurements by, and it had two sides? The point of those things was to make sure the sides were even.

Bring this idea of a balanced scale to your sense of well-being. 

One side of the scale holds your stressors. The other side holds your self care and coping skills. If stressors increase, you must increase what you’re doing to take care of yourself. If not, your scale is out of balance, and you’ll begin to feel it internally, and eventually, the people around you will notice it as well. I know you like to think you can sustain the scale being out of balance for a time and tough it out. But you’re not superwoman. The scale gets wonky if you don’t take good care of yourself. 

Sometimes, you want to believe that some of the stressors will disappear or fall off because some of them actually are temporary. That might be true every once in a while, but most of the stressors in your life are what they are. You cut out unnecessary stressors years ago! When your scale is unbalanced, your body gets very tense, you get irritable with the people who matter most, you get brain fog, and your natural sense of playfulness and joy skulks off to the shadows. 

It doesn’t have to be this way. You have the power to rebalance your scale. If you adjust your self-care to offset your stressors, everything works better. 

Yesterday’s level of self-care was sufficient for yesterday’s stress level. It doesn’t cut it for today’s level of stress. And yesterday’s self-care was for yesterday’s stress. Today, you need fresh self-care efforts. Like the ancient Israelites recorded, you can’t live off of yesterday’s manna (Exodus 16). 

You aren’t doing yourself any good by telling yourself the scale will rebalance without your effort and intention. Ultimately, you have two choices to stay balanced: intentionally remove stressors (which is sometimes an option but not always) or increase what you’re doing to take care of yourself. The third option, “riding it out,” is not sustainable. Quit pretending it is.

Let Frustration Lead to Sanctification

The final thing I want to remind you of is that the frustration in your life is not without purpose. When you fail to do the things that you know are good for you, don’t keep a proper perspective on what’s yours to carry, or confuse what your business is, these things will invariably frustrate you. The frustration can have a purpose, though. The frustration can be redeemed. 

Let these life events that frustrate you be what sanctifies you. Capture the frustration, bring it to God, and let Him sort out what is for your benefit. Let frustration lead to sanctification. God knows… there’s no shortage of it!

Closing thoughts

Well. Here we are. Didn’t that feel good? Everybody needs a good reminder now and again. 

You really are doing a solid job of showing up as your authentic self and giving each moment your best shot. Most of the time, you’re doing your best. Don’t stray from the basics because they’re foundational for a reason. You haven’t come to these lessons by accident, and your fidelity to them will bring the fruit of peace, which is what you want for yourself and those around you.