A decade or more ago I remember waking up and realizing that I didn’t have chronic headaches anymore, or constant stomach issues, and that my jaw didn’t always feel like it was going to lockup. I used to think that was normal.
I was running at such high speed in work and life that I just thought how I felt was normal. I thought that my high anxiety was just the signs of a type A personality. I mis-took extreme adrenaline for high energy.
In hindsight, I would say that my anxiousness was mostly fueled by fear.
Fear of the unknown. I was moving into jobs I had no experience in. Usually from areas I was really strong in. That constant flux of proficiency to novice and back again, kept me on my toes.
Fear of missing out. If I didn’t take advantage of every opportunity… if I didn’t go after everything in every facet of life… I might have regrets.
At some point my fear turned to my health. Working 60-70 hours a week, raising a family, dealing with health issues with my daughter, turned all of the adrenaline powered, doing-it-all state-of-being into burnout.
The adrenaline started to fizzle away and then the symptoms I thought were normal were pulling me under.
Again, this was almost two decades ago. Today as a counselor and coach, I see these signs of stress and anxiety in others. If you read this and relate, maybe some of the things that helped me can help you.
In no particular priority order, here are several things that helped me a lot.
- Actually, first I had to ditch the all-consuming jobs. That is drastic and my reasons were twofold:
- I was a workaholic. My need to please my employer manifested in unhealthy work habits. It was part expectation of the job, but a bigger part, my need to achieve. I couldn’t just stop working so hard because then it was in contrast to my work til you drop persona. It didn’t look very impressive and then all of the “fears” kicked in. Believe it or not, you can be successful in work and business and not totally burn yourself out. This second time around as a business owner I have maintained a healthy balance.
- I wanted to raise my own children. Don’t laugh, but it’s true. We had nannies spending way more time with our kids.
You may not have either of these issues, so I AM NOT suggesting everyone quit their job if it is stressful. I am just saying that no specific job, nor work in general, is important enough to give up your relationships or your health.
- I was a workaholic. My need to please my employer manifested in unhealthy work habits. It was part expectation of the job, but a bigger part, my need to achieve. I couldn’t just stop working so hard because then it was in contrast to my work til you drop persona. It didn’t look very impressive and then all of the “fears” kicked in. Believe it or not, you can be successful in work and business and not totally burn yourself out. This second time around as a business owner I have maintained a healthy balance.
- I started sleeping more than 5 hours per night. I was literally burned out. First, there didn’t seem to be all of the education and hype about needing 7-9 hours per night. It was a badge of honor to sleep little and still go, go, go. Except that it was slowly tearing me down. The difference in my anxiety now that I sleep 7 hours a night minimum, is measurable. It is a circular. I sleep better so I approach things with a clear mind. I am able to make better decisions which keeps my fears at bay. And, therefore, I sleep better. But to be fair to my younger self, I wasn’t even trying to sleep more. I believed the mantra that you can sleep when you die. How stupid when having no sleep significantly impacts your quality of life and health.
- I sought out a personal relationship with God. Admittedly, finding Christ was the only thing that made any of this possible. However, as I started spending a significant amount of time in God’s Word learning His ways, so many things changed.
- Matthew 6:26-34 changed my relationship with stress and worry. In my before Christ life, stress and worry just meant that I cared. And I was so good at it I believe I cared more than everyone else. Now I know that it just means that I don’t trust Jesus. When I understood that God loves me and wants to take care of me, most of my stress and worry went away. If I believe that Jesus died for us I have to believe that He will make sure we can put food on our table.
- Ecclesiastes 3:1-17 also had profound impact on me. Yes there are many seasons under the sun; so maybe I don’t have to do everything all at once in every season. If we believe in eternity and we believe we get to start living with Jesus now, not having to wait until Heaven, then we can take a season for different emphasis and values in our life. While my kids were young it was okay to slow down and focus on them. When they were off and out it was a natural season to start growing my business.
- Prayer changed my worry life. I took God’s word that I could pray without ceasing and pray about anything. Praying helped me realize I wasn’t all alone. My fear that it was all on me, and that failure was inevitable, stopped plaguing me. Mostly because God doesn’t measure success and failure the same as the world. Through prayer I learned to give it to God. This in itself volumetrically reduced my worry and stress.
- Matthew 6:26-34 changed my relationship with stress and worry. In my before Christ life, stress and worry just meant that I cared. And I was so good at it I believe I cared more than everyone else. Now I know that it just means that I don’t trust Jesus. When I understood that God loves me and wants to take care of me, most of my stress and worry went away. If I believe that Jesus died for us I have to believe that He will make sure we can put food on our table.
- Purpose and path – For me personally I started seeking God’s plan and path for me. I had a broad business background; but wanted to help people and wanted to spend more time raising my kids in this season. But, having the pendulum swing from stressed-out businesswoman to stressed-out stay at home mom would not have solved anything. Purpose has always been important to me and I did realize that being available and present with my kids was part of that purpose. I just wanted to see the path and direction down the way. I actually created a Life by Design program once I became a counselor to help others find God’s plan and path for their lives. Once I knew the plan, I was able to chill out about the timing. Instead of being a stressed, stay-at-home mom, I was at peace and present with my kids for the appropriate season.
- Eating and exercise – I know compared to our life purpose, eating and exercise seem so mundane, but I can’t tell you the difference it makes on my stress and worry. I used to literally run on adrenaline and didn’t eat at regular times. I am sure that my headaches were partially due to my blood sugar crashing. When you are unhealthy, you feel worse. When you feel bad, you are more anxious. It is just another vicious circular.
Stress and anxiety are caused by many different things. And often it is due to a combination of things, not one thing. My hope is that you will know that being anxious and worrying is not how it has to be. I also pray that you will start sooner than I did seeking God’s path for your life…although it is never too late. Even though he doesn’t promise us easy, when it is His path it doesn’t include life altering anxiety and worry!
